


Mars meets Venus

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-06-29 02:17:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 36,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19820494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: Nick has to find out if he still has feelings for the drummer





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last of my early fics, the first slash one that went pretty explicit.  
> Thanks a lot to my very dear gay friend who helped me with the sex scenes.
> 
> Again, english is not my mother tongue and there^s no beta.
> 
> Story starts shortly before the reunion.

Somewhere in Great Britain, May 2000  
„Yeh sure it^s the right way, man ? » The taxi driver throws me an annoyed look through the mirror.  
„I told you the address, you said you know where it is, so don^t ask me!“ I roll my eyes.  
It^s raining cats and dogs, we^re in the middle of nowher eand there^s no farm or whatsoever in sight.  
I'll never understand how to survive happily in this wasteland .I didn^t even know that such a lonely place is still existing in the UK. By now we^d almost hit a deer, some sheep and a fox. A fox! I never saw a fox before, a real, living fox !  
Well, he said he needed his privacy, he needed to be out of the limelight. And, like always, he obviously did exactly what he wanted.  
It took me a while to find out where he^s living, his wife won^t tell me at first. Ex-wife. His ex-wife! I still can^t believe they^re divorced! And not for the first time I wonder why, secretly hoping that maybe it had to do something with me.  
I know it^s stupid, but I can^t help it.  
I^m not sure if it^s such a great idea to visit him but I have to ! I have to see him again, I have to know if the feelings for him are still there.  
It^s been ages and we were too young, too anxious to deal with those feelings. I was barely nineteen, and admitting that I^m gay, that I^m in love with a gorgeous, handsome man was too much. I desperatly wanted to be *normal*.

A week earlier, Royal Albert Hall, London

Yet alone Tatjana’s beaming smile is worth it to be here. Ballet isn^t my cup of tea, to be honest, but I freely admit that this modern version of *The nutcracker* is pretty awesome.  
It's break time, and I'm standing at the bar, ordering champagne. My daughter loves ballet. And I love to see my daughter happy. Sometimes I still feel this bad conscience towards her. After all, she is only in the world for one reason. I had to prove to myself that I was not gay. I had to prove to myself that I wanted nothing more than to be a happy family man. A thoroughly heterosexual family man.  
To celebrate the day Tatji also gets a glass of champagne. She's only 13, but a glass won't kill her, will it?  
She's talking to someone right now when I come back to her, a woman and a boy,  
"Oh, there's Dad! Look who I met, daddy!"  
I almost dropped the glasses when the boy turns to me. That smile! Those eyes! Always and everywhere I would recognize these eyes, these beautiful, soulful brown eyes!  
„Fucking shit!“ I hiss quietly. I^m totally losing my cool here !  
« Nick ! » the woman smiles. „ I knew this is your daughter at first sight! She has your eyes!“  
Giovanna! It^s Giovanna, goodness! Be cool, Nicholas! Perhaps he^s here! You might see him, for the first time in more than six years. Be cool!  
„Gio! What a surprise! So, that is…?“ I smile at the boy, the boy who has his eyes. Roger^s eyes.  
„James! Pleased to meet you, Mister Rhodes! ! » Same eyes, same smile and fuck, even his HAND feels familiar !  
„The plesure^s all mine! Jesus, you look like your dad, really! Where is he, by the way?“  
„Oh, he^s in Glouchestershire, at his farm, I guess.“ Giovanna shrugs. „We^re divorced, you know, since 98.“  
„ Sorry to hear that!“ I say but I^m afraid I don^t sound like being sorry at all.  
„No need to! We are still friends. Hey, it^s great meeting you! Let^s have a drink together when the show^s over ! »  
So it happens that Tatjana and I meet Giovanna and James after the show.  
It's a wee bit perverse, I think. To meet the son of my former lover and my biggest concurant.  
Well, Giovanna won. But I'm sure it was pretty close. In the end it was my own fault. I couldn't stand by him. I was too cowardly, fuck, I just wanted to be normal!

And now I^m here, in bloody Nowhereland, looking for his farm. Looking for him.  
If there won^t be a farm after the next bend, I^ll give up. It was actually the most stupid idea I ever had! He leads a completely different life than I do, we have absolutely nothing in common. Fuck, yes, it was nonsense to come here! I’m about to tell the driver to turn when I spot him and my heart misses a beat. Or two, rather.  
He^s fixing something directly beside the road and we drive past him before I can even react.  
„Stop!“ I yell.  
Goodness. Roger. Roger in nothing but soaking wet jeans and heavy boots. As soon as I^m out of the car, two hairy monsters are jumping around me, barking like hell.  
Dogs. Monster dogs. I hate dogs ! I hate dogs more than rain and wasteland, for sure. In seconds they have ruined my expensive suit with their muddy paws and I^m panicking that they^ll bite me, but still i have to laugh as Roger calls. „Zeus! Apollo! Will you behave, yeah?“  
At least the dogs obey immediately and turn tail wagging to their owner.  
„Seriously, Roger? Zeus and Apollo? Did you become a private investigator and grew a moustache?“ I giggle, quite aware of that I^m sounding a wee bit hysterically.  
He stares at me in total disbelief and I stare back, soaking in his sight like my dirty suit soaks in the pouring rain. Thank goodness, no moustache!  
Muscles. Oh yes! Muscles and wet, glistening skin. Just the right amount of chest hair, and those nipples…argh. This is pure porn. Fucking gay porn !  
« What the hell are you doing here, Nicholas ? » Roger finally says.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Condoms and lube?

„I just thought we could drink on your birthday. Two weeks late, I know, but hey, I brought vodka, Stoli, your favourite, if I remember right! Fourty! Wow.“  
He shakes his head slightly and a crooked grin appears in his stunning face. „I feel honoured, Mister Rhodes. Sorry about the dogs, they are always freaking out with joy when there^s a visitor. Pretty awkward, 'cause they're supposed to be watchdogs. Can you wait another five minutes out here? I have to repair this, otherwise the sheep will flee. You^re already wet anyway, huh?“  
The sheep will flee. Aha. Oh yeah, we are from different worlds!  
When I follow him into the house a little later, I'm pretty surprised. It looks completely different than I would have imagined a farmhouse like this from the inside. E  
Everything is very bright and friendly, despite the grey weather outside. I would have expected old, heavy oak furniture, but on the light parquet there are modern designer pieces. A cream sofa, delicate armchairs, a coffee table made of glass and metal. Colourful prints by Haring and Warhol hang on the wall, with family photos in between.  
„The bathroom is over there. I^ll bring dry clothes for you.“ He disappears upstairs, leaving me alone with the monster dogs. Roger washed their paws in front of the house door and we left our muddy shoes outside.  
I stay in the middle of the room, after all I can't sit down anywhere with the dirty, wet clothes.  
I look suspiciously at Zeus and Apollo, who have sat down in front of me and look at me wagging their tails.  
"Listen, guys, you must be nice, you sure are nice dogs. But I don't like dogs, ok? I am more of a cat person. So don't come too close to me, please ! » That was obviously exactly the wrong sentence, because one of the two rises and approaches me.   
"No! Oh no! Stay sitting there! Good dog! Sit down!" Of course he doesn't. He rubs his massive skull against me and I fall. Immediately this giant animal is over me, the paws against my chest, and he licks my face.  
Eeew !

« Looks like Zeus likes you ! » Roger laughs as he comes down the stairs.  
« Not funny ! Take him away ! Please, Roger! Take this beast away from me!“  
„ Stop, Zeus. Get out , you two. Kitchen ! »   
Still laughing, he reaches out a hand to pull me up and I bump against his unfortunately now clothed chest.  
For a short, very short moment I feel the need to kiss him and it looks as if he had thought the same thing. But then he lets me go.  
"Why are you really here, Nick? "  
"I wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing.“ Well, that^s not even close to the truth, but what can I say?  
„Why? Why now of all times?“  
„I met Gio and James last week at the Royal Albert Hall. I didn't know you were divorced, I'm sorry.“  
„You don't have to be sorry. We are still friends.“  
„That's exactly what she said. What happened, Roger?“  
„Long story. Go to the bathroom, Nick. Dry yourself. You can also take a shower if you like. Towels are in the closet. I^ll make drinks, ok ? Here's some fresh clothes for you.“  
Actually, I don't want to leave now. Actually, I want to stand here, very close to him, and wait for it to happen again, for this moment to repeat. He wanted to kiss me, for sure!  
But he takes a step back and turns around, walks to the glass cabinet on the other side of the room.  
Sighing, I grab the bundle of clothes and disappear into the bathroom.  
Seeing myself in the mirror is quite a shock. I look terrible! Mascara and eyeliner are smeared all over my face. Waterproof, my arse! No wonder he didn't kiss me.  
Does he have any make-up remover here?   
I open the mirror cabinet above the washbasin. Toothbrush, aftershave, condoms, lubricant…  
Wait a minute! Condoms and lubricant? Why does a married, heterosexual man need condoms and lubricant?  
Oh, he's not married anymore, he's been single for over two years. Or not? Maybe he is not single at all. Maybe he has a boyfriend. Maybe that's the reason for the divorce!  
But there's just a single toothbrush. Only one aftershave. One razor. No, he^s living alone in here, definitely. But that doesn’t mean he^d not dating someone, huh? It doesn^t mean that he^s not with a man, needing condoms and lube!  
Fuck!  
With shaky hands I undress myself, wash my face with lots of soap and water. It burns in my eyes, what is a very good excuse to cry a little. Surely there is another bathroom, probably next to the bedroom. Maybe Roger^s lover has deposited his things there. And certainly there are more condoms and more lubricants in the bedside table. That's where you need it after all.  
It^s too late ! I came too late!  
I feel miserable as I return into the living room, in jogging pants and a sweatshirt. Jogging pants ! Who wears jogging pants these days ?  
I shouldn't have come here! I shouldn't have run after something that's long gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking it slow

Roger is sitting on the sofa and one of the dogs has his head in his lap. I wish I was a dog! 

"Is vodka on ice ok for you? I have Merlot, too, if you prefer. "  
"Vodka's all right!"  
I need something strong! I definitly need something strong! 

I sit on the chair opposite him. To sit next to him would not be the best idea.  
„You look really cute, Nick!“ he grins, pushing a glass towards me.  
« Are you making fun of me , Roger? »  
« I would never! Honestly, you look cute! You don't have to hide behind all that makeup, you know?“  
„Don^t give me that psycho crap, Roger Taylor! I'm not hiding. I never hide! I am who I am.“

„No shit, Nick? That would be something completely new!“ he smirks.  
„Damn it, Roger! I was 19 years old! Are you still accusing me of that? I was a coward, I admit it! But you were just as cowardly, you hypocrite! You couldn't wait to be with Giovanna. You couldn't wait to get married and have some children! »  
„As far as I remember, Nicholas, you have been married, too, and you have a daughter. So what?“

„Apparently you haven't heard it yet, but I've been divorced for years and officially came out in 1996. » 

« You came out? As what? I only see photos with women, Nick. Many women! I can't even count them anymore!“ he yells at me.  
Roger Taylor, the calmest person on planet earth, is losing his cool and I'm incredibly happy about it! He feels something for me! He is obviously jealous. And he wouldn't be jealous if there wasn't anything left, would he?  
„They're just friends! You know, the press makes up a lot of stuff! I haven't been with a woman since I separated from Jewels!“ I grab the glass and empty it in one gulp.   
„So, if you came out, why have I never read about it? Why are there no pics with men ? »  
„ Nobody was worth more than one night. Or two. I never fell in love. Why you have heard nothing of my coming out, I do not know. I have never shown myself with these men in public because there was no one who was more than a sex date, as I said. .And as you have correctly recognized, I have a daughter. Tatjana knows that I am gay, but I won^t let a man into our home who^s just a one-night-stand. Anyway, I ‘m not the one having condoms and lubricant in my bathroom closet! »  
« I should clean up sometime! These things are surely long expired. I'm not asking you what you were looking for in my bathroom closet, Nick Rhodes. 3 years ago I told Giovanna what was between us back then .I couldn't bear to keep secrets from her anymore. It hurt her very much. But at least now she knew why we didn't have sex anymore. We tried to solve our marriage, but it didn't work. Then I started this music project, Freebass, and there was this bloke, Matthew. The keyboarder, by the way. Isn't that funny?“  
„No, actually it's not funny at all!“ I blurt.We look at each other. Roger reaches for the vodka bottle.   
„Do you need ice in it?“  
„ No.“  
„Good!“ We both empty the glass in one sip.   
Then we start laughing together.  
„Matthew is a really stupid name, if you ask me!“ I chuckle.  
« Right. Matched him ! »  
„Make-up-remover.“  
„Eh?“  
„ I was looking for make-up-remover. In the bathroom.“  
We laugh even more.  
«I think I'm still in love with you. Will you give me another chance? Now that we are older and wiser? I came here to find out if I still feel anything for you, Roger, and apparently I do. I think you feel the same way, don't you?“ I say quietly when the laughter has faded.  
„I'll always feel something for you, Nick, but I don't know if that's enough. We are very different, aren't we?“  
„Indeed! You have dogs! I hate dogs!“  
„But Zeus loves you!“ he grins.  
«I'm afraid this will remain an unrequited love. »  
« See ? Nick, how^s that supposed to work ? You came here with your fancy suit and I was fixing fences for sheep ! I… »  
« Would you stop that ? I^m well aware of the fact that we are different! And I^m even more aware that it was quite inappropriate to show up with a fucking designer suit! But I….goodness, roger, I wanted to look good. For you!“  
„You are always looking good , Nick Rhodes! Even in saggy trainers and a sweatshirt. You are the most beautiful creature i ever have seen!“  
Oh. I think I^m gonna cry!  
„Roger?“  
„Huh?“  
„I'd really like to kiss you.“  
« I would love to kiss you! But we shouldn't do that! We should take this slow, ok? We know that your cock fits into me just perfectly, hm? Now lets find out if we fit into each others lifes. If you^d let me into your home. If you would introduce me to your daughter. I don't want to be a one night stand, Nicholas. You should be sure this time, because I won't do it again. I will not hide or pretend. Never again, Nick!“  
My, do we take it slow!   
The following two weeks are most likely the best in years. Roger and I have dates. Old-fashioned dates. The movies, dinner, all that pretty normal stuff that people do. He drags me to the football stadium and I take him to an art exhibition. We talk a lot and we laugh a lot. It^s true, we don^t have much in common. But he shows me his world and I show him mine. We still haven't kissed, but the other day at the movies we held hands like teenagers in love.  
Today he^ll meet Tatji. And I will meet his kids. All three of them. I invited them to my home. I want to let Roger into my home, into my life. He's supposed to be a part of my life.   
I confess, I would have loved to fuck him at last. Or at least kiss. Passionate and long. I would like to taste him so much. Touch these muscles, touch the wonderful chest hair. Take the cute nipples between my lips, suck on them...I think I have wanked a hundred times, by now,in my head the picture of a wet Roger with nothing on but jeans and boots. My very own gay porn.  
I covet this man more with every day, and that almost drives me crazy.  
Back then, sex was the most important thing in our relationship. Oh yes, my cock fitted just perfectly in this incredibly sexy ass! We constantly sneaked into each other^s hotel rooms, we went for quickies at the most weird places. The thought of being caught added an extra thrill, and looking back I guess I was secretly hoping that someone would. That someone would reveal our secret.  
Nigel knows by now. I told him about it when he left the band. I was sad to the bones about it. The last remaining Taylor, my best friend, leaving Duran!   
„ I just can^t keep any Taylors in my life, huh?“ I sobbed and then I told him everything.  
Simon. I should tell Simon ! I should tell everyone !   
« You dreaming, dad ? » Tatji giggles.  
« Uh. Yeah, obviously ! Sorry, was lost in thoughts, little orchid. »  
„You're really in love, aren't you? I've never seen you cook for anyone!" she grins, flnging her arms around me from behind.  
„I cooked for your mother. Once. it was disgusting. We ordered pizza. Thanks for your help, sweetie, I really apreachiate that! Vegetarian lasagna was a very good idea. Elliot is four, do you think he^ll like it?“  
„ I think there^s no kid who doesn^t like pasta, daddy!“  
« Goodness, Tatjana Lee Orchid, i^m a nervous wreck! »  
There^s no need to be nervous. Everything works out fine.  
Tatji falls in love with the littlest Taylor at first sight and the boy stays by her side all afternoon.  
Ellea is a bit reserved, but James talks all the time and we have a heated discussion about the most influential keyborders in music history.  
Roger helps me to clean up after lunch and we^re in the kitchen together when he suddenly takes me in his amazing arms and kisses me. But really! I'm almost fainting.  
My whole body reacts extremely violently to his wonderful lips and an almost greedy tongue.   
„ You have a lousy timing, Roger, honestly! A very bad timing! » I pant as I have to step back because my cock just got painfully hard.  
« Thank you ! Thank you for letting me in ! » he beams.  
„You^re not talking about this very talented tongue in my mouth, are you ? Ah, goodness, Roger ! If the living room won^t be full of kids, I^d…“  
„I know. Say, can I stay here tonight? It's a little far to Glouchestershire, huh? But I'd have to leave pretty early tomorrow because of the dogs.“

« I hate dogs.“

"Does your daughter actually get a good night's sleep? Cause I'm pretty loud at sex, if you remember!"

"Can we please talk about your dogs? Or about sheep? I'll lock the door and fuck you right here, I swear!   
„So I can sleep here?“

« No, you can't. You will certainly not sleep! »  
« Don't be so brazen, Rhodes! You're not twenty anymore!“

„I can still handle you! It's good that you don't play drums anymore, because you won't be able to sit when I'm done with you. Not to mention walking."  
« Oh, really? And if my preferences have changed, Nicholas, then what? Maybe this time I want to fuck you, huh?“

He winks at me, turns around and just leaves me standing like that.   
What the hell?  
He's just trying to tease me, isn't he?  
20 years ago I was very surprised that he always wanted to be bottom. That didn't seem to suit him at all. But my goodness, it was fantastic! Every single time, it was heaven on earth. How this strong, calm, wonderful man has given himself to me, screaming with lust...oh yes, he^s been pretty loud, indeed!   
Oh god! How am I supposed to go back to the kids in this state?   
He^s gonna pay for that, definitely!   
Think about dogs, Nick! Dogs. Terrible dogs. Stinking sheep! Roger in nothing but a soaking wet jeans and heavy boots… argh.   
It takes me quite a while to get back to the living room without a telltale bump in my pants.  
« Dad ! Can we visit the Taylors at their farm, please ? You didn^t tell me there are dobermans ! And sheep ! There are lambs , and you haven^t told me ! »  
« Visit us the next weekend! We can camp in the woods, it's fun! » little Ellot nods excitedly.

Fun? Camping? Well, we clearly don't have the same idea of fun! 

„Do you see the incredible happiness in the face of your father, Tatjana? He just freaks out with enthusiasm! » Roger chuckles.  
« We kids can camp alone, Daddy can sit on the sofa and drink wine! » Tatjana grins.

"Good plan! You can take the dogs with you! » I smirk.  
« You're really mean, Nick! Zeus loves you so much!“ the naughty drummer winks at my daughter.  
"Oh, shut up, Magnum!“ 

„Higgins! Honestly, dad! Everyone knows that Zeus and Apollo belong to Higgins!“ Tatji rolls her eyes.  
In the early evening Roger drives his kids back to Gio. My daughter is standing in the doorway with crossed arms grinning.  
„What is it, Tatjana Lee Orchid?“  
„He's staying the night, yeah?“  
„If you want to call it staying overnight! He must go back around four in the morning, because of the dogs and the sheep!“  
„So, I guess you want me to stay in my room, huh?“  
„That would indeed be extremely kind of you!“  
„Okay. If I may have a glass of wine! I know you have white wine in the fridge.“

„Are you blackmailing me now, Tatjana? The champagne the other day was an exception! »  
„Oh man! You know what, daddy? I think I have to show Roger my CD collection and play him all my favorite songs! This could really take a long time! »  
« You^re evil, kid ! Utterly evil ! »  
„I'm just kidding! It was worth a try, wasn't it?“ Ske yawns heartily. „That's funny. All of a sudden I'm totally tired. I think I'm going to bed very early today! I love you, daddy. And I like the Taylors. Good night dad!“

This girl is so wonderful! 

"Tatji?"  
"Hm?"   
„Is it really okay for you? That he stays here, I mean. That we are a couple? »  
„I think he's very nice. And I see that you are happy.“  
„Yes! I^m happy, Tatjana! I^m so happy it hurts ! » We hug each other tightly and this wonderful child disappears smiling into her room.  
My hands are shaking a wee bit as I open the wine. Where are the candles? Maybe I should put on music, something romantic .  
i dim the light in the living room, then i go to the bedroom and turn on the bedside lamp. My goodness, I am totally nervous! I get the condoms from the drawer, but then put them back again. It shouldn't look as if I could hardly wait!  
Although it is true. I really can't wait!   
Where the hell is he? What takes him so long?  
Music! I wanted to play some music!  
I'm still standing in front of the CD rack when it rings at the door, unable to find anything suitable.  
No music then.  
Roger smiles as he comes into the living room behind me.  
"Oh ! Candles. How romantic, Nicholas! Is that wine? Honestly, I was expecting champagne, you know! I brought music with me. Freebass. Would you like to listen? »  
« Could you please stop making fun of me? I'm not listening to any music from the keyboarder who fucked you!

"Oh, he didn't fuck me. I fucked him! But before we deepen this topic, where is your daughter?

« My daughter was suddenly very very tired and wanted to go to bed urgently! You meant that seriously, yes? You actually changed your preferences! »  
« That really scares you, doesn't it? Come here! I want to tell you something.  
He pulls me close to him, his hot breath touches my ear. 

„That was always yours, Nick. Only yours. You are the only one I want in me !“ he whispers. "Where's your bedroom?"  
Good god! Oooh god!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The goblin and the cheeky devil

„Not so fast, drummer! I intend to slowly but surely drive you mad. You deserve that! It wasn't nice to make fun of me like that, to tease me like that, you know!“  
I start to unbutton his shirt tantalizingly slow.  
„ Here, Nick? What if Tatjana comes out of her room?“  
« She won^t come out. Hold still and shut up ! »  
Oh, my God! He' s so beautiful! This fine smile , the dreamy eyes, the way he looks at me.  
And he smells so good! How can a person smell so good?   
„Where have you been for so long?" he whispers.  
„ I was busy denying myself! Forgive me. I was a cowardly idiot! Where have you been? Just now, I mean. It can't take that long to go to Barnes and back." The last button is open and I push the fabric over his broad shoulders, almost reverently touching his naked skin.  
"I had to read Elliot a good-night story. He is completely in love with your daughter! Besides..." He blushes.  
That is so sweet! God, it's sweet!   
"Besides what?" I bend down and take a delicious, hard nipple between my lips.  
"Ah! I had to prepare, Nick!"   
"Prepare?"  
"Well...clean me up. That was strange, really strange to know that Gio was there and the kids...but here...aaah, god, Nick! Here it would have been even more strange.“  
„Oh Roger! You're unbelievable! Thank you!“  
„You're just glad you don't have to do that.“ he grins.  
„I would do it if you really wanted me to.“ Yes. Yes, i would! I would do everything for him!   
« But I don't want it. At least not now. Maybe someday. Fuck, Nick! That^s good, so good!“ His hands slide under the back of my shirt and the touch of his calloused hands on my skin almost makes me jump.  
„My Nick! My beautiful Nick! I missed you so much! Please, touch me! Touch my cock! Please, Nick ! »  
« Not yet ! » I growl, grinding my hips against his. He^s as hard as I am.  
« We're going to the bedroom now. There I will undress you very slowly. And then I'll look at you, Roger. I will look at your wonderful body for a long time. I will kiss you everywhere. I will put your delicious cock deep in my mouth and lick your lovely soft balls. Every time I realize you're about to come, I'm gonna stop. And when you think you can't take it anymore, when you think you're gonna die of lust, then, only then, will I fuck you. »  
« You're cruel, Nick Rhodes! Terribly cruel! » he moans.  
I'm taking him to my bedroom.   
No one but me has ever been in this bed. And when it is up to me, there will never be anyone else in it but him. Him and I.  
As promised I undress him, taking my time to reveal every inch of that muscled, masculine body. he looks different than when he was 20, of course.  
Better. Much better. If farm work is the reason for this fantastic body, I should fall to my knees in front of the sheep and dogs and broken fences and say thank you. My goodness!  
Everything about him seems to have become firmer, more massive, more solid.   
Even his cock.  
„Fuck, Roger! Has it grown?“  
„It's about to burst if you don't finally touch it ! » he gasps and I fall on my knees and take him into my mouth. He tastes like back then, and it feels so wonderfully familiar, so wonderfully right that I almost cry. How could I ever think it wasn't normal? How could I ever seriously think of anything other than this?  
„Nick! Uuuuh, fuck, Nick, stop that or I gonna come in three seconds!“ He grabs my shoulders resolutely, pushes me away and looks down at me, panting.  
« You know what ? You wear far too many clothes ! » With that, he joins me on the thick carpet, on his knees, cupping my face with his rough hands.  
« My goblin, my charming green-eyed goblin! » he smiles and his lips meet mine ever so lightly.  
Goblin!   
After our first night together, he started calling me that when we were alone.  
"Your eyes have something of a mythical creature, you know? You're a cheeky little goblin, Nicholas James Bates!"   
I had snuggled up giggling at his sweaty chest, still disbelieving that I was actually inside him just minutes ago.  
Right at that moment that little annoying voice in the back of my head had laughed badly.  
*You just fucked a man in the ass, Nicholas! You are a gay bastard!*

Here and now his strong fingers open my shirt and with incredible tenderness he caresses my naked chest. Amazing how soft his touch feels.  
„I missed you, little goblin .“ he whispers-  
This smile melts my heart.  
He pulls me with him as he gets up and so we stand in front of each other. His mellow eyes are fixed at my face while he opens my pants.  
He touches my hard cock through the fabric of my underpants.  
"I missed that one too!" he winks.  
My fingers close around his throbbing shaft, all the time we look each other in the eye.  
„I want to be in you, Roger.“  
« Yes please! Be careful, it's been quite a while. »   
And finally, for the first time in decades, we lie naked in bed, exploring each other anew. We kiss, stroke and lick, suck and bite, sometimes gently, sometimes harder.   
"Lube?" he gasps into my ear and I reach over him and try to open the drawer without stopping to decorate his delightful neck with a row of love bites, feeling a silly urge to mark him as mine.  
Roger moans quietly and bends his head back invitingly. The lubricant drops from my trembling fingers and falls to the floor.  
"Isn't that supposed to be slippery only when you open it?“ Rog chuckles and I gently bite his Adam's apple.  
„Cheeky devil!“ I growl.  
"I think cheeky devils go fucking well with charming goblins!“ he grins.  
„ I'd love to fuck you well, you know, but that bloody lube just fell down! I'm afraid I can't reach it without interrupting this, which is a great pity.“  
We snog around a little more before I reluctantly come apart from him.  
This time my fingers aren't trembling. Not when I pick up the tube and also not when I open it. Only when my slippery index finger touches his entrance and he willingly approaches me, his legs wide open and his brown eyes fixed on my face, an anticipating shiver runs through me.  
He misunderstands my hesitation.  
« Come on, charming goblin! Don't let me wait any longer! «   
« Cheeky, impatient little devil! »  
Very slowly and carefully my fingertip presses into him and the narrow heat makes me moan with him.  
« Goodness, I forgot how incredibly tight you are ! »  
„I thought there were others. Ah, go on! Please. It feels good.“

„Others are not you!“ A second finger is added and Roger moans with relish .  
„How many, Nick?“  
„You don't seriously want to discuss with me how many men I had sex with while I have my fingers in you, do you? Is that a fetish or something ? Two, Roger. There were two. No, three, if a handjob counts as sex. Would you please shut up, Roger? It was always just you, you know? I want to hear you moan, you stupid idiot!"  
"Oh? I thought I was supposed to shut up? Aaaaah, jeez, Nick!"  
Third finger, without warning.  
« Give me a condom, you devil! » With a single thrust, I'll bury myself in him and we both scream.  
„Is this your idea of slow and careful, Nick Rhodes?“ he gasps, but the greedy movements of his hips clearly show that he doesn't want it to be slow and careful either.  
„I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I groan and we both know Im not talking about my almost brutal thrust.  
We fuck hard, fast and merciless. I think we both need that now. We have to feel each other as intensively as possible, there is no more room for tenderness. It only takes minutes until we come loud and violent, to the second simultaneously.  
Afterwards we hold on to each other sobbing, overwhelmed by the sharpness of our desire.  
« Fuck, Roger, i didn^t…I …god, I hurt you ! »  
„I^m fine, luv. I^m not a complete wimp, huh ? I wanted that. Goodness, I NEEDED it!“  
Eventually, I'll get the wine from the living room. It got warm, but that doesn't matter. We lean on the headboard of the bed, kiss, talk and fondle each other.  
The next round is very gentle and tender.  
At some point I must have fallen asleep, although it was my intention to enjoy every single second of our time together.   
Anyway, Roger left when I woke up.  
Stupid dogs!  
Stupid sheep!   
His scent is still in the room and I would love to see what he looks like when he sleeps. We never had a whole night together, we never woke up side by side. The fear of being caught was too much.  
How I'd love to cuddle up to his sleepy body, kiss him awake. Breakfast in bed with sex for dessert.  
He left me a note on the bedside table.  
*Please call me when you're awake, beautiful man. I am already longing for you.   
Lunch at my place? Bring Tatjana with you.*  
Grinning, I get my phone.  
He answers at the second ring already.   
„Taylor?"  
„Oh? Which one?   
„The one who waited eagerly for you to call.“ I can hear the smile in his voice.  
„Did you get home okay?“  
„Yeah. I wish I'd stayed, Nick.“  
„I would very much have liked to wake up next to you. Oh, wait a minute, there's a smiling teenager in the doorway.“  
„Should I call back later?“  
„Don't you dare hang up!“

Tatjana giggles and gives me a cup of coffee before she disappears, grinning and waving.

„Coffee has just been brought to my bed! Isn't that nice? Lunch with you is a great idea. Are the kids there?“

„No, they won't come until next week. Do you have holiday plans, Tatjana and you? »  
„We wanted to stay in London. Culture and stuff, you know?“  
„What about holidays in the country? Dogs and sheep and stuff like that, you know?“   
„Hunky farmers in jeans and topless? » I chuckle-  
„I can arrange that.“  
„When can we be there?“  
„How about right now? »


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think we^re meant to be together

Tatjana is already jumping out of the taxi, beaming with joy, while I look around for the dogs. This time I don't wear an expensive suit, but they still frighten me.  
This fear is quickly forgotten when a gorgeous Roger steps out the front door.  
"Where are Zeus and Apollo? Oh, and I want to see the lambs! Do you have any horses? » I could die of love as my daughter embraces my favourite farmer.  
The latter just looks stunned at me.  
"Who the hell did you bring with you, Tatjana? The guy looks like your father, but he wears jeans! And sneakers! »  
« That's my long lost uncle Jim-Bob! » giggles Tatji.  
I want to make a witty response when something big and hairy just knocks me over.  
Zeus, that bastard!  
Tatjana and Roger almost wet their pants laughing.  
« Get off of me, you stupid creature! » I blurt in panic.  
And then something very strange happens. This dumb dog listens to me! With his head crooked, he looks at me wagging his tail as if he were apologizing.  
„Thank you, Zeus, very kind of you.“   
His owner smiles and reaches out his hand to pull me up.  
« Don't be angry with him, he is happy to see you. I am also happy to see you, by the way!“  
« How beautiful! Maybe you want to jump on me and lick my face? »  
« If you want I can even wag my tail" he whispers into my ear. „May I kiss you in front of your daughter?“  
„I ask for it very much, country lad!“  
We only stop kissing when someone is clearing her throat loudly.  
Of course I think it would be Tatjana, but next to her there is a little woman who looks like a friendly raisin. A very very black friendly raisin. I don't think I've ever seen such a deeply black person before.  
„If the gentlemen would be so kind as to put an end to their smooching? The food is served. Follow me, little lady!“

The raisin disappears with my daughter in the house.  
„ Who is that?“  
„That's Mary. She and her husband Fred help me on the farm.“  
„Oh? Couldn't they have helped you this morning so I wouldn't wake up in an empty bed?“  
„You won't wake up in an empty bed for a while, I promise! Yesterday, of all days, was their anniversary, you know? Married for forty years. I'm incredibly happy to have them! Wait till you see Fred."

I can hardly suppress a laugh when I enter the garden behind the house holding hands with Roger.

Fred is incredibly tall and bald. He would seem almost brutal, like a fucking Nazi skinhead, if he didn't have such a bright smile. "You see, Mary? I always told you this guy was gay! Nobody who isn't gay gets married in pink! With flamingos! That has to be said, my friend! That was the gayest wedding ever! Flamingos! Please! «   
« That's true, Frederic, except for the fact that he married a woman! » nods the raisin.  
I can't help it, I have to laugh terribly.  
« Please don't forget the bathtub and the lilies! » I pant while I almost suffocate with laughter.  
« Oh my god, yes! You weren't really naked in that tub, were you? »  
« Frederic, that's enough now! There is a young lady present!“ his wife hisses.  
Said young lady laughs so much that she gets hiccups.  
„Roger, now say something! That was really gay, wasn't it?“ Fred wiggles his brows.   
„Let me put it this way, Freddie: Liberace couldn't have married any more gay! But the naked woman in the bathtub would have disturbed him, I think!“ my naughty devil grins.  
"Liberace? Do you want to insult me, farmer boy? I'll get a pitchfork and chase you across the yard, I swear!"

I should be offended. This Fred has no manners, he is actually totally rude, but I love him! I love this big, outrageous guy who looks like a fucking Nazi and is married to a dark black raisin. I love him for his absolute honesty and complete lack of shame. And I love him even more as he grins now shrugging and says: "Well, you^re obviously gay, aren^t you? That's great, now our Roger is finally happy! And who is this Liberace? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard! "  
I don't think Tatjana and I ever had such a fun lunch. The vegetarian food is delicious, Roger's warm hand on my knee feels fantastic and I have never seen him so relaxed and radiant.  
After dessert my daughter goes to see the lambs with Mary, and Fred puts a bottle of whisky on the table.  
„All right, boys, let's have a drink! And then we go to the barn, I've been looking forward to it all day!“  
I don't know what I expected, but when we enter the barn I am speechless.  
I never thought the sight of a very familiar black tama-drumkit would hit me so hard.  
"You still have it" I say quietly.  
I remember the day he bought it as if it was yesterday. My mother borrowed a van and took us to the music store. A radiant, happy Roger carried every part to the car himself, even with the bass drum he didn't want to be helped. Together we set it up in our garage.  
My mother then went to her shop…goodness, Mum!   
She doesn't know it yet, about Roger and me! I have to call her urgently, she loves Roger!  
I think she suspected something back then, even though she never asked me about it.  
Anyway, she had gone to the shop.   
Roger, in his irrepressible joy at his first real own drum set, had just lifted me up and whirled me around. Well, at least he had tried. We laughingly crashed backwards into the bass drum. And then we kissed.  
It just happened. We were both staring at each other in shock. And we kissed again. Suddenly his tongue was in my mouth and he pulled me onto his lap. I think we were kissing for hours, moaning and incredibly excited. None of us dared to go any further even though we both probably wanted to, as our painfully hard cocks were telling.   
Roger had pushed me away at some point. Not brutal or such, but very strict.  
« I have to go! See you tomorrow! »  
We couldn't look each other in the eye and I just nodded in silence. My first kiss. So beautiful! And so fucking wrong!  
The familiar click of the drumsticks brings me back to the here and now and I have to grin broadly.  
How I missed this sight! Roger with his sleeves rolled up behind these drums.  
„Let^s rock, fellas!“ Fred yells and it^s only now that I see his guitar. And the keybords standing there. It^s a Yamaha, which is not my fav brand but this is one of the better models they made.  
After a bit of programming, we actually make music together, and it's incredible fun!   
Freddie is pretty good on the guitar and he can sing too, he sounds a lot like Joe Cocker.  
Watching Roger is pure joy, and we completely forget time.   
We also don't notice Tatji and Mary, who have been watching us for who knows how long. A very sweaty, radiant Fred finally puts the guitar aside.  
"I don't know about you, but I'm hungry! What about Mary and me preparing dinner with the little lady and you, Rog, taking over the patrol? Of course we can also go home if you'd rather be alone!"  
"And give up your fantastic food? Never on earth! "I grin and notice surprised that my stomach growls. "What kind of inspection do you have to do, Roger? Can I accompany you?"  
"Checking on the animals, checking fences and stuff. It would be a pleasure if you came with me."  
He keeps quiet about Zeus and Apollo coming with us, which annoys me a bit. I had hoped for sex, to be honest. Somewhere in the woods. I've never had sex in the woods before, and there must be something good about this wasteland.  
Instead it will be a dog walk,oh well ! 

At least we hold hands and kiss a little bit from time to time. The fences are all right and the sheep are fine. I confess, these little lambs are really pretty cute.  
Even the stupid mutts behave decently. This walk in the countryside has something romantic about it, I have to say.  
„Tell me, Nick, is it very hard for you to be here?"  
„What? No! Funny enough, I just thought it was kind of romantic!“  
„It^s my world, you know, all this here, Fred and Mary, the dogs…“  
„I know that, Roger! Are you trying to tell me that I don't fit into this world? "  
"No! I just don't want you to pretend. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable!“  
"I feel quite well, and to be honest I am a little astonished about it. I love Fred ! I am very fond of the friendly raisin! And the lambs are sweet!“  
„The friendly raisin?“  
"Mary! She looks like a very black shriveled raisin, don't you think?“  
He laughs quietly at that. Then he stops and pulls me to him.   
"I am terribly in love with you and I want this to work, Nick! I want it to be more than great sex! Can we do that? "  
« Did you know that was my first kiss? Back when we set your drums in the garage? It just really hit me when I saw them. Do you remember?“  
„Goodness, of course I remember! And no, I didn^t know that it was your first kiss!I feel kinda honoured now!“  
« You've completely confused me, Roger Taylor! But what I actually want to tell you is that I ... I think it has to be like this! I'm not a very spiritual person and I don't believe in destiny or providence or anything, but I think you and I, we belong together. I think we are meant to be together!“  
„And I think that's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me!“ he whispers.  
In this fucking wasteland, gawked at by two stupid mutts, surrounded by a bunch of bleating sheep, I get the most beautiful, deepest kiss of my life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mind-blowing blow-job and an early morning kitchen talk

Lunch was fun, dinner is even funnier. This could be due to the huge amount of wine.  
And Fred. Fred should be a comedian, he definitely missed his job.  
I'm almost a little sad when Fred and Mary say goodbye right after dinner.  
Tatjana also says good night and Roger shows her her room.  
Then, finally, we are alone. Well,not quite, the dogs are still there.  
I^m a bit squiffy and so is Roger.  
„So, my little devil, what are we going to do with this night?" I grin salaciously and pull him onto my lap. „Oof, farmer boy, you^re pretty heavy!“  
„Oh, you know, I think I wanna go to bed!“ His sexy tone sounds extremely promising.  
„Tired?“ I ask anyway, just in case. After this highly romantic scene in the midst of sheep, he shouldn't think that I only have sex in mind.

„I wasn't talking about sleeping, I said I wanted to go to bed. With you. I have just thought of something I would really like to do, because strangely enough I have never done it before!“  
„And what would that be?“  
Oh God! Hopefully he doesn't want to fuck me, I'm not prepared for that, literally!  
„I'd like to taste you, drink you! I've never swallowed your cum before, have I?“  
„Uh. No, you didn't!“ Just the thought of it makes me hard.  
„That is really a pity, don't you think, Nicholas?“  
My goodness! That sexy tone! The way he says my name!   
I can only nod and grin pretty dumb. I don't think I can make it to the bedroom, my legs just turned into jelly.  
„Then come on, Nicholas!“  
Nicholas. Why does it so unbelievably turn me on when he says Nicholas?  
„Say it again!“ I whisper.  
„What?“  
„My name. Say my name!“  
„Ni-cho-laas, come on! I want to taste you, Nicholas ! I wanna have your cock in my mouth, Nicholas ! »  
« I'm afraid I can't move. You turned me into a glibbery pile of jelly, Roger Taylor. »  
« Oh ? » with an utterly dirty grin he squeezes my hard-on through the jeans. « That doesn^t feel like jelly at all ! »  
And then he glides onto the floor with an elegant, incredibly erotic movement and skilfully opens the very tight, very annoying jeans.  
« But you can still lift up your cute ass, Nicholas, can you? »  
I can.   
Without looking away from my face, he frees me from my pants. The underpants follow.   
I am so excited that I can hardly breathe.  
„Hold it there, goblin. Don't run away. I just have to lock the dogs in the kitchen."

„I hate dogs!“ I gasp desperately and his little laugh is almost a bit mean.

It is a strange, very intimate moment when he returns and stops in the door frame to look at me.   
I sit there without trousers, with a twitching, rock-hard cock dripping with excitement. I've never felt so naked, so helpless and vulnerable. What if he gets disgusted? Jewels was disgusted. She tried very hard not to show it to me, but I noticed it anyway. She didn't want my cum in her mouth. I think she secretly spat it out more than once.  
Fuck, I couldn't bear for Roger to be disgusted by me!  
« You^re beautiful, Nicholas, my little horny goblin! » he smiles and when he licks his lips, it^s to die for.  
I think I could come without any touch, just by the sound of his voice and his sight.  
There is so much lust and desire in his voice, in his gestures.  
Roger isn^t Jewels. Roger won^t be disgusted.  
„Please, you devil, come over here! I tend to leave unattractive stains   
on your designer couch! »  
Grinning he approaches me and again he sinks to his knees with an incredible elegance.  
A whimpering sigh escapes from my lips as his tongue flickers against my tip. Then this tongue glides wet and hot over my whole shaft to the balls and somehow he manages to look at me and still grin.  
„Devil!“ I gasp, burying my fingers in his hair.  
With a lovely pleasurable *Hmmmm* he takes me in his mouth. I almost scream with lust and it won't be long before I really scream. His name, stupid stuff, anything.   
I think he's just sucking my brains out, I^m completely out of my mind.  
Holy shit ! I surely had blow-jobs before, but this….I don't know how he does it, but it's unbearably intense. I want to pull back because I can hardly handle this intensity, but he won^t let me. He forces me to let it happen and I come twitching and screaming deep into his throat.  
I can't stop shaking and cry like a baby. What's the matter with me?   
He holds me tight, caresses me, kisses me. I can taste myself on his lips, and it's not a bit disgusting. It is wonderful.  
"You are killing me! Roger, you are killing me" I sob.  
After a felt eternity he just lifts me up and carries me up the stairs to his bedroom. We cuddle and snog for hours, and eventually I am able to return the favor.  
Even though I^m tired like hell, I can^t sleep. It^s so marvelous to watch the sleeping man beside me. Goodness, I could watch him forever! He^s so utterly beautiful it hurts.  
It^s three at night when I go quietly into the living room, putting on my underpants.   
A short moment I stand hesitantly in front of the closed kitchen door. The dogs are in there.   
I hope they behave properly when Roger's not around. Maybe they're angry at me because they were locked up and know fucking well that I^m the reason!   
Bullshit! They like me, don't they? At least Zeus.  
„Guys, I'm coming in now, okay? No barking, no jumping, no face licking, understand?“  
„You're really funny, daddy! "Giggles Tatjana behind the door. „Come in, they won't hurt you.“  
Tatjana sits on the floor, the dogs lie next to her on their backs and let their bellies be cuddled.  
„See? They' re really sweet!“ my daughter smiles.   
Zeus raises his head briefly and greets me with a short, friendly bark.  
"He really likes you, dad! Give him a chance!“  
„Why don't you sleep? "  
„Some people were pretty loud, you know? And then I couldn't fall asleep anymore. Besides, I was thirsty. But you're distracting! Come here and pet Zeus!“  
Tatjana Lee Orchid Rhodes shouldn't think her father is a coward. Because of that, and only because of that,I squat next to the stupid dog.  
„Good evening, stupid dog!“   
„Stop calling him a stupid dog! That^s mean!“  
„He doesn't understand what I'm saying! He is a dog!“ Hesitantly I nudge Zeus with a finger behind a twitching ear.  
"You have to scratch him behind the ear, he likes that. I think it's totally beautiful here, dad. My room is great!“  
"This is not your room, Tatjana. This is a guest room. Or it belongs to one of Roger's kids."  
"It doesn't. Their rooms are in the annex. You haven't really looked at the house yet, have you? What is that actually between you? Is it just about sex? I mean, how he lives doesn't really seem to interest you. You find the dogs stupid and I bet you don't know that he dug a swimming pond with Fred in the woods. And he had a horse, that died last year. James learned to ride it when he was four. Beside my room…excuse me, beside the guestroom, there^s a room for his parents. His mum had a stroke a few years ago and needs a wheelchair. Mary and Fred are living in the old coach house. That's so cute! They have a cat called Sophie with only three legs. I like it here, dad! I think Roger is great. He's not like the other men you met with! Don't think I don't know that! I am not stupid! So tell me, are you a real couple or is this just another short affair?“  
I would like to angrily reply that it is none of her business that she is 13 years old and I certainly do not discuss my sex life with her, instead I say: „I love him terribly, Tatjana!“  
„"Then scratch the stupid dog behind his ear, you coward! That would be a good start!“


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> * The other Roger^s back!*

I wake up because the dogs are barking. Terribly loud.  
„Shut up, Zeus!“ I murmur, digging myself deeper into the pillows.  
Then I hear his quiet laughter.  
Shit! I wanted to enjoy it! I wanted to enjoy waking up next to him for the first time! But maybe it's not too late for that.   
Very slowly I turn and there he is, right next to me.  
„If I'd known how cute you look in the morning, so sleepy and tousled, little goblin, I wouldn't have woken up a day without you.“ he smiles.  
I slide very close to him and cuddle up to the hairy, broad man's chest. God, is that wonderful!  
„I'd really like to lie here with you all day, Nicholas, but I'm afraid the dogs are barking so loud because we're getting visitors. Those can only be my parents, they sometimes come by unannounced. »  
« Oooh, please ! Just a few minutes ! This is our first time. I always wanted to know what you feel like in the morning, how you smell. Let me enjoy this for a moment!“  
He^s so wonderfully warm and it feels so good to have his arms around me.  
A bit too good for the fact that his parents have just arrived and there won^t be any time for more than a little bit of smooching.  
When my dick joyfully begins to harden, I sit up, regretfully sighing.   
We are a real couple, right ? And it^s not just about sex.   
« I have scratched Zeus behind his ear ! And I want you to show me the house. And…goodness ! Your parents ! I haven^t seen you parents in ages ! Do they know ? About us ? What do they think about it ? Are they… »  
Warm, sensitive lips lay on mine to shut me up.  
« Why so nervous, Nicholas ? My parents know, I think their curiousity brings them here. I told mum that Tatji and you are here. » he says when we part.  
« I…I don^t want to mess it up, Roger. This. You and me. »  
« I think you're doing pretty well so far. Better than I thought. I don't want to screw this up either, and I'm terrified that you don't feel comfortable here! Go to the bathroom! I like your eyeliner, you know? You don't have to do without it. You don't have to be Uncle Jim-Bob, Nick!“

He^s wonderful! He^s so wonderful that I have to kiss him good and proper.  
« Go downstairs, don't keep your parents waiting. I won't take long, I promise! »  
« I can get dressed first, though, can't I? » he grins.  
"Oh, if it were up to me, you wouldn't have to dress at all! » Roger throws a pillow at me when i go to the bathroom.  
Fuck, I^m really nervous !   
Roger sits on the bed smiling when I come back, he^s dressed in jeans and a plain white tee. I also wear jeans again, with a jade green linen shirt. I think it fits my eyes. And I really only used eyeliner. Just a little. No mascara, no make-up.  
„That^s my cheeky goblin! Ready?“ As a matter of course he reaches for my hand and we walk down the stairs together. Fred just comes out of the kitchen this very moment, carrying a tray.  
« Ah, good morning, lovebirds ! We^re in the garden if you don^t mind. I made tofu sausages for you, Nick. Green fits you way better than pink, by the way!“ Giggling, he disappears outside.  
Roger's mother Jean is the first to notice us.  
Good that Tatjana told me about the wheelchair last night, otherwise I would have been quite startled.  
That smile of the woman who was kind of a surrogate mum for all of us back then wipes away all my worries. I don^t know if she^s particulary happy about her son and me being a couple, but right now she^s the woman who embraced me warmly when I first stepped into the Taylor home. I had just turned 17 the day before and it^s two weeks after my first kiss, after her son and I made out in our garage. I remember asking myself if she^d still hug me so heartily if she knew.  
Well, today she knows, and her smile warms my heart.  
„Oh good lord! Nick! Come here! My goodness! Let me look at you, hon ! » Cupping my cheeks with both hands, she pulls me down to kiss my forehead.  
« You didn^t change much, Nicholas!“ she smiles, looking me up and down. „Still so skinny! I've always had the need to feed you and Nigel! Sit next to me! Hugh has already made friends with your lovely daughter, they're over at Mary's. You know, Hughie found the cat on the street back then, Sophie, and he always has to see how she's doing."  
Actually, it's still a bit cool to sit outside, but I already noticed yesterday that in the country you seem to prefer the fresh air.   
Fred has some blankets ready, but none of us needs them.  
When Hugh, Tatji and Mary return, my nervousness comes back.  
„Well, well. Nick Rhodes. Who would have thought that? Took you quite a long time, didn't it? We always wondered back then when you two idiots would finally be quite clear. Instead, you two suddenly got married pretty fast. » Hugh smiles.  
« You knew? » Roger and I ask at once.  
"Oh guys, you weren't very subtle! I guess it had to be that way, maybe it wasn't the right time then. You probably would have had it a lot harder than today. I'm also quite grateful for our grandchildren, and your wonderful daughter wouldn't exist then either. That would be a pity! »  
„You knew all along and didn't say anything? Why?“ Roger is stunned.  
„We talked a lot, you know, Jean, Sylvie, Roger an I…“  
„You talked to my parents?“ That's unbelievable!   
"Of course, Nick! We have decided that you have to find your own way. You were still so young, and then you had this big success with the band. You had to find yourself in so many ways, you were almost children! But we are very happy, Nick, that you found each other again! Let me hug you!"

„That^s really…goodness…that^s..“ I feel like crying when Hugh Taylor pulls me close like a long lost son.  
« Excuse me, please, I really should call my mother! » 

"Tell them to come here! I would love to see them again! And we have something to celebrate, don't we?" Jean smiles and I change a quick glance with Roger, who nods enthusiastically.

I can't believe all this! They knew it, all the time they knew it! 

My fingers tremble a little as I dial the number of my parents.   
"Bates?"  
"Hello, dad!"  
"Nicholas! So glad you^re calling! We thought of visiting you and Tatji in London. Would that be ok with you?“  
„Tatjana and I are in Glouchestershire, dad, and I'm calling to invite you there.“ My heart^s pounding like mad.   
„Glouchestershire? What on earth are you doing in Glouchestershire? Sylvie! Our son is in Glouchestershire!“  
I hear my parents fighting for the phone and like always, mom wins.  
„Nicholas! You are WHERE?“  
„In Glouchester…“  
„Yeah, heard that, son! That^s funny, you know, I just read recently that an old friend of your^s has a farm there.“  
„That^s true, a very old friend of mine that you know very well was a lot more than a friend, has a farm. And in his barn there is an old black tama drum kit.“  
„Blimey! You're really with Roger? What does his wife say about your visit?“

„He is divorced!“

„Oh, really? So, you're friends again, huh?"

„No, we're not, mom.“

„Don't be so cryptic, Nicholas!“

„I still can't believe that you all knew it all the time, mom! We were no friends then and we are no friends now either. I love the man, and he loves me. So, would you like to come over to celebrate that your son is finally together with his first love, yeah? Jean and Hugh are here also, so are two giant dogs, a lot of sheep and a three-legged cat, which lives with a friendly black raisin and a funny as hell nazi. I hope that made you curious!“  
Mom mom's been silent for a while.  
Then I hear her sobbing up and laughing at the same time.  
„Rog!“ she shouts. „The other Roger's back! "

"Tell him to get the other Roger on the phone! We need a useful route description! » my dad laughs.  
Only now do I notice that Zeus has followed me into the house and looks at me attentively.  
"Zeus, prove to me that you are not a stupid dog! Get Roger! Can you manage that? Get Roger, Zeus!"

No, Zeus is not stupid! While Roger explains the way to no man's land to my parents on the phone, Zeus and I go back to the garden.

Tatjana grins broadly as the big dog puts his head in my lap and I scratch him wholeheartedly behind the ear.  
Roger smiles at me brightly too as he joins us again and kisses me. And I mean, he kisses me.  
Very long, very intensive and with his tongue involved.   
I'm certainly not a prude or something, but I'm a little embarrassed in front of his parents, Tatjana, Fred and the raisin. I^m blushing a bit.  
« Excuse me," Roger mumbles at my neck, "but that had to be now! I thought this morning, I misheard when you said you cuddled him. »   
« No, ask Tatji! We sat on the floor in the kitchen for hours and cuddled dogs, I swear! »  
„That^s true!“ my daughter nods. „And do you know why he did that? Because he loves you terribly!“  
„You tattletale!“ I say quietly and blush even more. „I guess I'm starting to get used to him. He's not as stupid as I thought he was.“  
Zeus lifts his head, barking in agreement, and we all have to laugh. A warm, strong hand lies on my knee under the table and beautiful brown eyes sparkle at me.   
„Besides, my very smart daughter is right, I love you terribly, Roger Taylor!“  
Tatjana and I stay in the garden with the Taylor seniors while Mary, Fred and Rog have whatever things to do at the farm and it^s hugh who^s finally giving us a proper house tour.  
« Isn't it rude to leave Jean alone? » Tatji asks and I notice qiute suprised that she^s taken Hughie^s hand.  
„We won't be long. Sweetheart! Jean always enjoys being here, she loves sitting in the garden. Have you already met Ellea, by the way ? I know, she^s younger than you, but you won^t be alone amongst all those men, huh?“  
« Yes, but... She...I'm afraid she doesn't like me very much. »   
« I don't think so, darling! You know, she's still a little sad about the separation of her parents and I think she finds it hardest to accept this change. Who knows, maybe she is a bit jealous. She must have noticed that Roger likes you very much. She'll come here soon so you can get to know each other better. I'm sure you'll be friends!“  
Thoughtfully I stay a little behind them. She hasn't told me anything about it.  
I also noticed that the girl was very quiet, but I thought she was just a little shy.  
We're going to have to make a lot of effort, Roger and I, to make everyone feel comfortable with what Hugh called *the change*.  
Being a part of Roger's life means a lot more than getting along with a few dogs and sheep, I realize now. But we can do it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Wanking makes every boy happy*

This house is really spaceous, goodness!   
In the attic Roger has a very luxurious office with a great view of the surroundings.  
„Look daddy, that's you!"  
Oh. Oh yes! That's me. Me and Roger, in my parents' garage, in front of his drum kit. We look very happy and damn young. My mother must have taken this photo right after we set up the drums. I can't remember it at all. But I remember all too well what happened only a few minutes after that shot.  
I'm very touched that he hung up this photo of all things.   
Apparently he also wanted to remember what happened after the picture was taken.  
« A very important day, wasn't it? » smiles Hugh.  
"What, you know that too? Where from then?" I say irritatedly, while it slowly dawned on me that he probably talks about Roger's first own drum set and not about our first kiss. Our quite a lot, quite long and quite hot first kisses.  
« Goodness ! You guys started this early? We didn't notice it until a year later or so. » You really can't say that Hugh Taylor doesn't have a very quick grasp.  
„That's the first day we ever snogged.“ I decide to tell the truth.  
„Oh really? That^s too cute!“ Tatji giggles.  
« Cute ? No, Tatjana, that wasn^t cute ! It was beautiful. And irritating. It felt so right and we knew that it was utterly wrong. Boys don^t kiss boys. The moment it happened it was great, but afterwards we couldn't look each other in the eye anymore. We probably thought both of us would go straight to hell for that.“  
„So what happened next?“ asks my daughter curiously.  
„We spent two weeks pretending it never happened. It was horrible. Every day we saw each other in this garage. It was really, really horrible. Then it was my birthday and Roger didn't come. But he called in the evening and invited me to his house for the next day. He said he baked me a birthday cake. THAT was cute ! Well, of course I went there, and Jean opened the door for me and hugged me, telling me how much she was looking forward to meet me. I was incredibly ashamed. I think that was the most awkward afternoon in my life, sitting there at the coffee table with Jean and Roger and his brother Steve. Then we went into his room…“  
„And you were kissing!“Tatji squeaks enthusiastically.  
„No, are you crazy? We still pretended none of this happened. We were listening to records with Steve, but at least we could look at each other again. And laugh together, just talking to each other like normal.“  
I prefer not to tell my daughter and Hugh about the rest of the evening.  
Steve got a visit from a friend and the two of them went into the living room to watch TV.  
„That was very nice of you, Roger. Baking me a cake. »  
« You're welcome! Sorry I didn't come to your party. »  
„Why didn't you come? It was really funny, you know. It would have been great if you had been there.“  
„I didn't know if you wanted to see me. I mean, at rehearsals, there's no other way, but...“  
« If you think I don't want to see you, why did you invite me today? » I wondered.  
« To find out if you want to see me. That sounds stupid, doesn't it?“   
„No, it doesn^t.“ My heart had been pounding like crazy, because I had realized that we were alone. The first time in two weeks, the first time since we kissed.   
Nothing was back to normal , nothing at all. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to touch him.   
„Nick...do you think we could...I know it's not right, but it was good, wasn't it? I thought…if you want…because it^s been your birthday.. if you want, I can jerk you off.“  
What? Whatwhatwhat?  
My cock had become rock-hard on the spot, I could not believe what he offered me there.  
"Only if I can do the same with you!"  
"Sure, I was honestly hoping so.“

Since Roger didn't have a key to lock his room, I leaned my back against the door so that nobody could get in. For a long time we had stood silently in front of each other, neither of us dared to make a start.  
« You probably don't say that to a boy, but you're really pretty, you know? » he whispered before his wonderfully soft lips touched my neck, then my earlobe and finally my mouth. Skillfully he opened my pants with just one hand and began to wank me slowly but vigorously.  
He had to help me with his jeans because my hands trembled so much that I couldn't open the zipper.  
It didn't take long. He came first and that made me kind of proud. The feeling of his hot, sticky cum between my fingers, the way he groaned in my mouth, how he couldn't manage to be quiet, made me proud, happy and horny, and I shot my load. Panting we had held on to each other, foreheads pressed together, until we almost panicked, noticing that cum makes really bad stains. Roger had sneaked into the bathroom and had returned with a wet washcloth.  
Surprisingly, this time there was no shame, no embarrassment between us. Giggling, we had rubbed the stains off each other's pants.  
"You know, Roger, that was even better than my birthday party!"  
"Sure it was! This time I was there, Nicholas! "  
Hugh drove me home a little later and I couldn't sleep all night. I was infinitely happy, which of course was because wanking makes every boy happy and not because I had fallen in love!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Show me how you do it*

We are just about to end the tour and want to go downstairs when the dogs are barking like crazy again.  
„That^s Sylvie and Rodge, I bet!“ Hugh beams and we hurry to get out.  
Simultaneously with my parents' car Roger and Fred come strolling on the driveway, in nothing but jeans and heavy boots.  
He really has a talent for lousy timing. I'm afraid I'm getting a very well-developed farmer fetish right now. It looks like a pic in the annual *Sexy country lads* Calendar. This is often bought by frustrated ladies who would otherwise have to look at their beer-bellied husbands at home. Or by gays. Maybe I should buy one.  
Or no, much better, I make my own! Where did I actually leave my camera ?  
« Perfectly in time, huh ? » Roger smiles, pulling me close for a very quick kiss on the cheek.   
„I just wish you wore a shirt! That makes me nervous, you know. I react very passionately to this sight, and it's a bit embarrassing because my parents just get out of the car ! » I whisper, inhaling the sweet heavy scent of his sweat.

„Is that so? You wanted it that way. That's what you told me yesterday on the phone, huh ? I only do what you say, Nicholas. » he grins innocently.  
« You do what I say? That would be very exciting, country lad!“  
« We can try it out tonight. And the next night you do everything I say. I'm going to greet your parents now, will you come? »   
This devil   
I meet Hugh^s gaze and his cheesy grin tells me he heard every word. So did Tatjana.  
Maybe we should be a little more careful. Or at least quieter.  
„Holy cow, Roger Andrew! Looks like farm work is more effective than a gym.“ My mom laughs and i couldn^t agree more.  
I almost die of embarrassment when my mother now turns to Fred and says with a smile: „Then you're the funny Nazi, aren't you?“  
„Excuse me? This flamingo-faggot called me a Nazi?“  
« Yeah well, he^s right, isn^t he? You made it your business to make life difficult for a black woman every day!"  
Mary is just coming out of the house with Jean in her wheelchair and if my mother says something about raisins now, I'll drop dead!   
« He says you look like a raisin, Mary! » That's not what my mother says, it's what my devilish boyfriend says.  
« You^re calling my beloved wife a raisin, flamingo-faggot ? »  
And here my dad joins the game.  
„You^re calling my son a flamingo-faggot,baldhead?“  
Tatjana and Hugh are laughing like mad and it really is like a screwball-comedyshow.  
« I called you a FUNNY nazi, because you would look like a nazi if you won^t be such a nice person, Fred. And I^m sorry, Mary, you really have something of a raisin. I didn't mean to insult you! I like you very much! »  
« We like you too, you flamingo faggot. » Fred grins and plants a noisy kiss on my forehead.  
« Would you please stop calling me that ? It^s pretty insulting ! »  
« But at least it^s true, huh ? And I'm not a nazi! The raisin- thing is kinda cute, I admit! »  
We all go back into the garden and Mary brings a delicious vegetarian stew.  
Zeus has his head in my lab again and dad can’t stop grinning at that.  
„You know I'm just kidding, right, Nick?“ says Fred amazingly earnest when we're done eating.  
"I have nothing against gays, I just want to tease you a little bit. I fell in love with a black woman in the 50s, we got married in 1960. I know very well what discrimination is. I know what hate is and I don't care who loves whom. Mary and I have learned to take it with a sense of humour, then it's easier. I'm afraid you two are gonna need that humour too. It may be the year 2000, but some people still live in the dark ages.“  
„I used to be a coward, Fred, you know? I never want to be a coward again and I never want to deny who I love again. And if anyone wants to hurt me, some backward homophobic idiot, I'll throw eyliners and lipsticks at him.“  
„It might be a little more effective if you sic your new buddy on him ! » Freddie grins.  
Zeus lifts his head yet again, barking shortly.  
I'll never call him a stupid dog again. Somehow I have the feeling he understands every word.  
In the evening we all sit together in the big dining room and talk. Tatjana gets a sip of wine to celebrate the day.

„I think it was one of the best days of my life" I sigh when I lie in bed with Roger, my head on his chest. „I want to tell everyone, Roger. I want everyone to know. Say, have you ever been at a Duran-show since you left? We`ll do a mini-tour in a few weeks and I^d be happy to have you with me ! Perhaps Fred and Mary could take care of the farm ? Oh, and wouldn^t it be great if you^d join us on stage for some songs? The fans would certainly freak out. »  
„Since when do you actually talk so much, Nicholas?“   
„Maybe it's the fresh country air. »  
„I think it's because of Fred's whisky. You're really cute when you're drunk, little goblin. But you're right, we should tell everyone. And no, I didn't watch a show, I didn't want that. I think it would have hurt me too much. But now I would love it! Let's see what I can arrange, ok?“  
« That was quite a surprise, wasn't it? That they all already knew. I wonder how they figured it out!"  
"We were never very careful, were we? Which is actually funny, after all, we were so afraid of getting caught!“

"I think in the subconscious we might have hoped that someone would catch us.“

„Yes, maybe. Simon almost caught us, remember? »

„Maybe he knows, Roger. Our parents also knew and didn't say anything.“

„Can you imagine that Simon wouldn't have said anything if he knew? I mean, it^s Simon!“ Roger chuckles.

„When was the last time you saw Simon?“  
„At the recordings for *thank you*, 94. When I last saw you.“  
„I've kept out of your way. »  
„I noticed that.“  
„You wanna know why?“  
« If you want to tell me. »  
« I was afraid to get too close to you. I couldn't think of anything but kissing you, and I don't know if I was more afraid of you wanting it or of you not wanting it. Would you have wanted it? »  
„I stood in front of your door for half an hour every night. Every time Warren walked by and we ended up in his room with a lot of alcohol.“  
„Did you know that Warren is bisexual?“  
„Oh yes! He didn^t hesitate to tell me!“  
« Goodness ! Did he hit on you? »  
« If so, would you be jealous, Nick Rhodes ? » he grins.  
« Please don't joke about it! I really like Warren and if he would have flirted with you, I would have to hate him.“  
« You don^t have to hate him. I^m not his type. He has a heavy crush on John. »  
« I have a heavy crush on you ! »  
« Nick, I think I know how our parents found out. I think they found out because we^ve never been able to keep it quiet. So it doesn^t matter if they hear us now, does it ? » His hand wanders downwards, but I stop him.  
„You promised you'd do anything I said tonight!“  
„That's right! At your service, Mister Rhodes!"  
« Put on your jeans and your boots. »  
« Seriously ? »  
« I^m drop dead serious, so do it ! Stop laughing, Roger ! »  
As he dresses, I'm going to see what you can do with the lights.  
„What^s that going to be?“ Roger chuckles  
„I'll photograph you. Stand over there!“  
He crosses his arms in front of his chest and grins at me.  
„No, not like that! Put your arms down, I want to see your muscles. And stop grinning so stupidly. Hook your thumbs in your pockets. Be lascivious! Just like yesterday, when you looked at me as you locked the dogs in the kitchen!“  
« I can't do this on command, Nick. »  
"What, be sexy? You're always sexy, you just have to stop grinning so stupidly. Yes, just like that! That's great! Wow! Now turn around. Turn around, hands on the wall, bend over. Your butt looks great in those jeans, you know that? Now look at me, look over your shoulder. Fuck, Roger! You should be a porn star!“  
Apparently, he starts to enjoy this. He^s flirting with me, with the camera, so I get braver. After all, he promised to do what I said.  
„Okay, get it out.“  
„Pardon me?“  
„Open your pants and get your cock out. »  
« As you wish » Grinning, he opens the fly and starts rubbing himself through the pants. „Like this, Nicholas?“  
Uh. He^s doing it again. And it works in an instant.I put the cam aside.  
„I thought you want to take pics?“   
„Change of plans. I want to watch ! Go on!“  
Fuck, that^s hot!  
„Get it out, devil. Get it out and wank yourself. Show me how you do it!“


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *He used to be the drummer in a fantastic band*

Holy mother of god ! I won^t survive that!  
« That^s…uh…go faster ! » I pant. Crazy! It^s crazy! So beautiful and horny as hell!  
„Nick…Nich-ooo-las..I really …ah, fuck, I wanna get out of those pants.“  
„Okay. And then lean against the wall again and tell me where your lube is.“  
We used to fuck standing up a lot. Fast and hard.  
This time it's different. We laugh and kiss, I pause again and again, justto enjoy the heat, the tightness and to make it last longer. We don't have to hurry. We never have to have five- minute -sex again, unless we want it that way.  
And this luxury of being able to snuggle up after sex, falling asleep together, not having to sneak away in the middle of the night...I love it!

4 days later, our parents are home again and Roger^s kids will arrive this midday. I^m alone with Tatji and Mary. Roger and Fred have to fix a pump for a watering place or something.  
A car stops at the driveway and Giovanna gets out. Her sight makes me a little nervous. This is silly. She already knew about us when we met in London. After all Roger told her years ago. Nevertheless, that was then...what does she think about today? How does she feel about giving her children to a gay couple? How does she feel about her ex-husband having sex with a man?  
I feel Tatji^s hand in mine and we smile at each other. If my nervousness is for Gio, her^s is for Ellea. And we^ll help each other through this.  
„Let^s go out and say hi! We're nice, polite people, aren't we? » I wink.  
« Not that anyone thinks I'm badly brought up!“ grins Tatjana and Mary chuckles quietly at that.  
Hand in hand my daughter and I go to greet the Taylors.  
Much to my surprise a beaming Ellea is the first to shake my hand.  
« You^re really here ! So we^re gonna go camping, huh?“  
„I told you we have to go alone, though dad is really trying hard, i think he^s not ready for camping yet!“ Tatji laughs and i^m all the way touched when the girls hug each other before Elliot demands Tatjana^s attention.  
„Taaaati!“ he flings his tiny arms around her waist, almost rudely pushing his sister out of the way.  
Giovanna and me smile broadly at that and then she gives me a warm honest hug.  
„ Well, for the fact that we haven^t seen us for a very long time we seem to bumb into each other quite often lately, huh?“ she winks.  
„Er..“ I start and get interupted by James.  
„Hey, I thought about it and I think the most important keyboarder of the 80s is Vince Clark!“  
« This is actually quite insulting, James Taylor ! » I blurt.  
The similarity to his father is extremely confusing. Especially the eyes. But also this little, slightly ironic grin.  
« So, you naggers, go and look for your dad, will you ? My time off just started and I^d love to say hi to Mary and have a glass of wine with Nick, yeah? Rush off, leave us alone ! »  
Laughing, the lively Italian chases her children away, and they run away laughing, including Tatjana.  
"I have brought you wine. From Tuscany. I may only drink a glass, but I would be happy to do this with you. Is Mary in the house? » I am so surprised by her warm lightness that I can only nod in silence.  
„Will you help me with the luggage? „  
„Sure!“  
„Is it a problem for you that I'm here, Nick? You are so silent!“  
„I rather thought you might have a problem with me.“  
„Oh, to be honest,I had a massive problem with you , but that^s long ago. I told you that we^re still friends, Roger and I. There¨s no bitterness or such, and I want him to be happy. If you^re the one to make him happy, I^m fine with that.“  
Together we bring the stuff into the house and Mary comes out of th kitchen to hug Roger^s ex.  
And then we three sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine.  
I can tell that the two women are good friends but i don^t feel left out or something. It^s incredibly easy to talk to Gio and i^m all the way glad about that.  
„What happend to Ellea?“ I even dare to ask. „She^s so different from last time! Tatji was afraid she doesn^t like her.“  
„Actually it^s the opposite, Nick. My daughter likes you two very much but she thought she'd betray me somehow if she did. So we had a long talk about it. About love. About the fact that love alone is sometimes not enough and that one cannot choose who one loves. I told her that you two are in love since forever, that the 80s were different and it wasn^t as it is today. I also told her that I knew for a long time. About you. Actually,I knew it from the start. Or shall I say I had at least a suspicion ? By the time he hung up that picture, I knew it. Did you see it in the office? It's been hanging on the wall since we moved in here. He said this was one of the happiest days of his life and I knew he wasn't talking about the drums.“  
« I'm sorry. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you. »  
„Well, sometimes love isn't enough and you can't choose who you love. As I have said to Ellea . Anyway, she knows now that I am not sad about it, that she likes you.“

London, june 2000  
Today I^m gonna drop the bomb.  
Everyone will be there to celebrate my 38th birthday with me. Even John flies in from Los Angeles. Actually, he should be here by now. When I say *everyone*, it unfortunately does not include the person who became the most important human being in the world to me in the last few weeks, beside to my daughter.`  
Roger fell off the ladder this morning and broke his arm, the fracture has to be nailed and he's in hospital right now. Of course I wanted to go there immediately, but he got really angry on the phone.  
"You're not going to spend your birthday in the hospital, Nick Rhodes! You invited all your friends! We also wanted to tell them today, about us. I want you to do this, Nicholas, okay? It's just a fracture, I'm not going to die!“  
„I don^t want to celebrate my birthday without you, little devil!“  
„I'm sorry I was too stupid to fix a roof gutter today of all days.I^ve done it a million times before and nothing ever happened. Do me a favour, cheeky goblin, have fun today, yeah? I love you ! No worries, I won^t have to stay here for long and I^ll come to London as soon as possible. Tell everyone, Nick! Oh, I gotta go, here comes the anesthesiologist! I love you, Nicholas. Have fun, will you? And call me tonight, I have a single room. Happy birthday!“  
Happy birthday, my arse! How am I supposed to have fun when the man I love is undergoing surgery, is in pain and can't be here?  
With a sigh I check my watch. Where the hell is Nigel?  
Well, obviously my dear friends have decided to show up all together, and when Tatji goes to open the door as the bell rings, the flat is packed in a flash.  
Warren, Wes, Joe, Simon and Yas, John and Gela, also Maddie and Tara.  
They are loaded with gifts and ballons and sing *happy birthday when coming in, until Simon notices that I don^t seem to be happy at all.  
"What^s wrong with him?" He turns to Tatjana.  
"Oh, I'm sure he will let you know! His lover cannot be here today, that^s what I can tell! Everything else is up to dad.“  
« His lover? Nick! Why don't I know anything about a lover? Do you know anything about it, Nigel? Am I once again the last one to hear anything?“  
Laughing Charlie pulls me towards him. « When are we gonna meet him?“  
„Today, that was the plan. But he had an accident. »  
„Shit! Hopefully nothing serious!" John says worriedly and gives me a long, heartily hug.  
„No, thank god. He broke his arm. Sorry, I^m really happy that you all are here, but…we both wanted to tell you today. Our first official appearance as a couple, so to speak. We were so excited! »  
„It's so beautiful that you finally found someone! Tell us about him! What is his name, what does he do, what does he look like?“ Yasmin is almost bursting with curiosity.  
I take a deep breath. My heart is beating like crazy. Now I will say it! Now everyone will know! I am wondering how they will react!  
„His name is Roger. He used to be the drummer of a fantastic band and now he^s a farmer, dad of three wonderful kids, owner of two not so stupid dogs and…“  
„That's a joke, right? You're kidding us right now!“ Charlie stares at me. „Roger? OUR Roger? No way!“ he blurts.  
« Oh, I^m pretty sure that he^s our Roger. I mean, he changed a bit but... »  
« Would you stop talking stupid? Are you serious? You and Roger? » Nigel interrupts.  
„He's telling the truth! I can testify to that.“ My daughter grins.  
There^s a moment of silence. A long moment of silence.  
Then everyone starts cheering and I can hardly breathe because of all the hugs.  
Especially John, my best friend, is freaking out with joy. „"I wish he was here! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Is he still drumming? How is he? Oh my god, Nick! This is amazing!“  
I have to cry a little. Because they're all so great. Because they are all so happy for me. And because he is not here. It would be so wonderful if he were here now. I'd like to call him now! Did he wake up from anesthesia again? Is he in pain? I miss him so much! I would have liked to share this moment with him so much.  
It^s long after midnight and we have one hell of a party. I^m dancing with Maddie as the doorbell rings yet again and a very squiffy Charlie goes to open the door.  
„Happy birthday, flamingo-faggot!“ a very familiar voice drowned out the music. « I need you to hide me from the police, please. A pretty stubborn guy forced me to take him out of the hospital against medical advice! »


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You could be dead!"

It takes a while before I get the meaning of his words, Fred^s words. I had too much champagne, I guess. An enormous wave of joy rushes over me when I finally understand, but that changes in an instant as I spot Roger beside the tall baldhead.  
He^s white like my living room-walls and has to hold on to Freddie^s arm. With his left hand. The right arm is plastered. One of these modern plastic plasters in bright colours. His is neon green, which makes his pale skin shimmer greenish. He looks like he's sick.  
And probably he is sick! He just had surgery under full anesthesia! He must be in pain!  
„ Tell me, Roger Taylor, are you completely out of your mind? You can't just run away from the hospital, you idiot! What if that doesn't heal properly? If you can never drum again! Or repair fences. Are you crazy?" I yell at him.  
All the guests stare at me in bewilderment, but I am far from finished!  
„What actually got into you climbing that fucking ladder in the rain? You could have broken your neck! You could have been dead!"  
« I love you too, Nicholas. » he smiles.  
"You stupid..."   
Like lightning he is with me, wraps his uninjured arm around my waist and kisses me so hard that I can' t breathe.  
« Now, if you could please stop yelling at me, would you? » he whispers into my ear.  
„It^s all right, I'm just a little wobbly from the anesthesia. The arm is well taken care of, no matter if I'm here or in the hospital and if something should be wrong, then there are certainly also a few hospitals in London.“  
His voice gets a little quieter as he continues.  
« I will drum again and I will repair fences again and I am very much looking forward to being able to jerk you off again with my right hand. But I promise you that I can also do this very well with my left one“  
„You could have been dead!“ I repeat defiantly and I feel pretty stupid. It is crystal clear to me that I am overexaggerating, but yet alone the thought of losing him is unbearable.  
„I^m not dead, goblin! And I'm gonna try hard not to die for the next 40 years or so, okay? I^m planning to spend the rest of my life with you and I would like it very much if the rest of my life lasted quite a long time! “

Two hours later I marvel at my lover who sits on the sofa between John and Wesley. The three have a lively discussion about the interaction between drummers and bassists when Simon elbows me.  
« Have you ever thought about what it would be like if the Taylors came back? All three of them? » he wonders. «That would be great,wouldn't it?“  
« I'd love it! But how is that supposed to work? I haven't spoken to Ands for years, I don't know if he would be interested. Nigel is happy in America, and Roger...I don't think he wants to give up the life he leads now.“  
„He's already changing this life, Nick! Because of you. I think, if you would ask him to come back...“

„Charlie! I want him to be happy, and he's pretty happy on this farm!“

„Yes, of course! But he is also very happy by your side! And joining Duran again would be a way to spend more time with you, wouldn't it? Look at how he enjoys talking about music! Maybe he's a farmer now, but he never stopped being a drummer! And John said it didn't work better with any drummer than with him! Maybe he'll come back when Roger comes back!“  
„That^s nonsense, Simon!“ I can^t help it , though. The thought of being the original band again, being on stage again with my lover, my best friend and Andy is extremely thrilling. But that^s never gonna happen, right? Why dreaming when reality is even more beautiful than I ever dared to hope. It's early in the morning when I crawl into bed next to Roger, quite drunk in contrast to him. Because of the pain killers he had to take, he skipped the alcohol. I had to help him undress and find it somewhat shameful how much his cute helplessness excited me. This cast is a bit like a bondage, restricting his mobility. He's just trying to find a halfway comfortable position, and although his moaning clearly results from his frustrating situation, perhaps a little pain, this noise turns me on to no end. Fuck, that^s sick, isn^t it ? But he^s always so calm and strong, so much stronger than me, that his sudden weakness is kinda sexy. I may be the top here, but he's the one who actually sets the tone, who leads when it comes to sex.  
How I'd love to fuck him now, take him hard and deep with the knowledge that he can't set much against me. I think I'd like to punish him somehow for the exaggerated, ridiculous fear he put me in with his ladder crash.  
Of course I won't, I don't want to hurt him. His left arm loops around me and he pulls me close until my head is resting on his chest. Obviously he^s tired, but I won^t let him sleep. Tenderly I let my tongue circle around a nipple. If I can't fuck him, I'll find other ways to drive him crazy, and I can think of a lot of beautiful things.  
« Put your arm over your head, don't move. » I whisper as I cover his chest with little kisses and slowly work my way down.  
« Nick, I'm terribly tired. » he says, but it doesn't sound very convincing and he stretches out his arm over his head without hesitation, the healthy one of course, and clings to the struts of the head end.  
« Don't worry, I'll wake you up! And afterwards you will be so exhausted that you can sleep fantastically!“  
My lips have reached his twitching cock and I breathe a gentle kiss on the tip. His hips come up, he obviously wants more.  
„Roger, Roger! I said don^t move! Be a good little devil and hold still ! » I kiss my way down the hard shaft to the soft balls and he lets out a delicious whimper when I suck at the velvety skin, suck one of those heavy balls completely into my mouth. His aroused trembling is divine. I play a little with these salty jewels, lick them, squeeze them, amazed by their weight and softness.  
In between I have to look at his face from time to time, his wonderful face with his eyes closed for pleasure, his slightly opened wet lips. I am curious how he will react once I have reached my actual destination.   
„Give me a pillow, farmer boy!“  
« What are you gonna do, mister? »  
« You'll see! Give me a pillow and shut up. You may moan, whimper and scream, but no more babbling now!“ To give more emphasis to my words, I gently slap his bulging balls. The surprised sound he makes is so delightful that I do it again, a little harder this time.  
Not only his wheezing sounds awesome, but also the noise my palm makes on his velvety skin, which could start to be fun! But now I have something else in mind, we can try it out later.  
He willingly lifts his ass so that I can slide a pillow under him.  
Does he know what I am going to do?   
Well, at the latest when the tip of my tongue licks over his twitching entrance, there's no doubt about that anymore. I pull his muscular ass cheeks apart to have better access and he opens his legs moaning.  
"Oh God, yes!"  
I've never done this before and I'm very positively surprised at how good he tastes there. Herb and salty and nevertheless somehow sweet. His reactions are heavenly, his pelvis pushes greedily upwards and he lets out a whole row of little piercing cries.  
« If you weren't so stupid as to fall off that ladder, I'd fuck you so hard you couldn't sit for three days! But since I am a very nice human being, Roger, I fuck you now with my tongue ! »  
« Fuck,yes ! Do it ! Oh. Ooooooh ! »  
One hand closes around his shaft while two fingers of the other one are joining my tongue in him, finding the male g-spot. I stop a whole three times when I realize that he is about to come, until he is almost delirious with lust.  
That is such a stunningly beautiful sight!  
Without taking my tongue or fingers out of him, I rub our hard cocks against each other and spill my load all over his swaety belly, screaming his name into the hot tightness of his ass.  
That^s all he needs to follow me and I don^t care that his arm comes down to press my head between his legs almost brutally. I am wrapped in his warmth, his lust, his smell, I breathe, taste and feel him like never before.  
And I hear him, oh yes, I hear him panting and shouting my name. lecherous and breathless.  
"Nick! Nick---ooooh-laaaaas! God! Nick! Oooooh, Nick!" 

London, June 19th  
Today^s the release party of out 10th studio album. Pop trash.  
Furthermore, Roger and I will present ourselves to the public as a gay couple for the first time today. Tatjana and James will accompany us and they are terribly excited.  
Unfortunately I'm not really happy, because next week our tour will start and Roger won't come with us. For the first time since weeks we will be separated for a longer time, and I don't like this thought at all.  
Maybe I should think seriously about Simon's suggestion. Having Roger on stage with me would be wonderful. I resolutely push the thought of a week-long separation aside. Today we will have fun and tomorrow all our fans and some other people will know that Roger and I are together.  
Roger laughed his ass off over my silver suit. I thought it was a great match for the album cover. He laughed even more about that one.   
"Didn't you know that this glittering car belongs to Liberace? Honestly, Nick, it's even gayer than the flamingos!“  
„It^s not gay, it^s totally pop trash ! »  
« Hmhm. Very gay pop trash. »  
Roger and his son get dressed in my bedroom right now and Tatji just comes out of the bathroom. She wanted to surprise me with her dress and wow, she scores big time! She looks like a mermaid in a green sequined cocktail dress. I know she feels a bit uncomfortable with her body at the moment, she finds herself too chubby, but I think she looks fantastic!   
„Who are you and what have you done to my little daughter, mylady? Seriously, Tatjana Lee Orchid, you^re absolutely stunning!“  
« You have to say that, you're my father! » she sighs and it hurts my soul that she^s so bloody insecure about herself.  
I hear an appreciative whistle behind me.  
Roger and James have apparently finished dressing and are standing in the hallway.  
« Tatjana Rhodes! You look like a beautiful mermaid! »  
Has my lover read my thoughts or what? I could kiss him for the way Tatji is smiling now!  
« You think ? » she asks shyly and turns a bit red.  
« Oh, yeah! I hope there's a chance to dance tonight! I always wanted to dance with a mermaid! Which is really difficult because mermaids usually don't have any legs... »

Tatjana giggles now and for the first time I really look at my wonderful man.   
Just like his son, he wears a classic black suit that accentuates his broad shoulders very impressively.   
As much as I like his usual casual outfit consisting of jeans and t-shirt, this sight knocks me over!   
I can't wait to tear these clothes off his body tonight!   
When the limousine stops for the hotel where the party takes place, I get a little nervous. A lot of press is there.  
"Remember, Nicholas, we don't do interviews out here! We let deeds speak for themselves.“ says Rog as he reaches for my hand.  
„You have to kiss! I'm sure they'll love that! James and I are going first, okay?" Tatjana is already halfway out of the car, followed by James.  
„Ready, charming goblin?“ my love winks and I kiss him shortly.  
„Do that again when we^re outside, ok?“ he smiles and hand in hand we leave the limo.  
A flurry of flashing lights and astonished murmur welcomes us. Roger^s smile is adorable.  
His healthy arm wraps around my waist and we look at each other completely ignoring the screaming reporters. When we kiss, total chaos breaks out. Nevertheless, we manage to get into the building without answering any of the excited questions.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Do you want that'*

Even if pop trash won^t be such a great success in the end, financially at least, what I will never ever understand because I think it^s brilliant, the realease party is an evening I will never forget.  
Yes, the world is still full of homophobic idiots, yes, Roger and I will have some troubles in future with them , among other things, because yes, we are still from different planets. We are mars and venus, the farmer and the art freak , but this june evening, night, rather, is simply pure perfection by all means.  
John and Gela are there as well and it^s such a pleasure to watch them, Roger and John, how they easily pick up where they left off. It^s so important to me that my best friend and my lover like each other, what they undoubtedly did in the 80s and which is apparently the same today.  
Maybe I should call Andy , just for testing grounds what he thinks of a reunion.   
That we are a couple is no big deal for the whole Duran crew and everyone^s happy for us.  
Warren can't resist asking me very intimate questions at such a loud level that we soon have several interested listeners.  
„Now I finally know why he kept standing at your door in France! Did you actually ever let him in?“  
„No, Waz, I didn't, because he never knocked. Maybe he would have if you hadn't dragged him into your room every time!“  
„Uh, don^t blame me! It^s not my fault that you two have been such cowards ! Now what? What's it like, who lets who in, huh?“ he grins lewdly  
„That is none of your business at all!“  
« I bet he'll ram you into the mattress without a problem. »  
« Warren, if you'd have the goodness to keep your voice down, would you? Tatjana and James are standing back there! »  
« Did they ever catch you? »  
« No ! Goodness, Warren, get yourself another drink and shut the fuck up ! »  
„Amber caught us once. Not funny, this!“ Simon laughs.  
A very familiar arm loops around me and Roger^s warm breath at my neck gives me shivers.  
„It doesn't have to be! It's enough for them to hear us!" he chuckles. „Nicholas, may I ask for a dance?“  
„Everything you want!“   
„Oh? Seriously? Maybe we should see if Warren's right, huh?“ Grinning he pulls me onto the dance floor and the laughter of Charlie and Warren follows us.  
Too bad he still has to wear that annoying cast. I would love to have both arms around me.But even in just one of those amazing arms I feel held, I feel home.  
„I don't want to think about you being away for weeks, my little goblin!“ he whispers in my ear as we slowly move to *someone else not me*  
« Can't you come with me? Just a few days! » I find myself literally begging.  
« We have already talked about that, darling! There's so many things left on the farm because of my accident. Mary and Fred are both over 70, they can't do everything on their own. As soon as the cast is off, I need physiotherapy and then I really have a lot to catch up on, Nick. »  
« Can't you hire someone temporarily? Please, Roger! I can't be without you for four weeks! »  
He draws me closer to himself, his cast arm clumsily strokes my back. Cursing quietly, he lets the useless arm fall down and kisses me gently.   
„It^s only four weeks, goblin! We've survived for 20 years, we can easily manage one month! »  
« I doubt it ! » I sigh.  
« You're not gone yet! » he grins mischiviously. His lips lie on mine, and what begins gently and tenderly develops rapidly into an emotional blaze.   
Is he insane? Here, in front of all those people! My legs are once again turning into jelly.  
« "Fuck, you devil, stop that! » I gasp. What's got into him?   
Subtle and ambiguous, that's how he likes to flirt with me. But so offensive, surrounded by people, he has never done that before. Well, actually, we've never been together among so many people before, at least not as an outed couple.  
„Don't tell me you don't like it, because I can feel just how much you're loving it!“  
His hips bump against mine and a big hand lies on my back. Pretty far down on my back. Almost on my butt.  
« What are you doing ? Shit, Roger, stop it! I can't walk around here with a giant hard-on ! »  
« You don't have to! Your very gay jacket covers you perfectly. With it you can safely get to the elevators without anyone noticing how deliciously horny you are, Nicholas. then you can drive up to the third floor, go to room 305 and get undressed. I'll be there in five minutes and you better lie naked on the bed! The keycard is in the pocket of your fancy jacket!“  
With that, he just leaves me standing there, joining Nigel and Charlie at the bar.  
On soft legs I go to the elevators. If I could, I would run.  
What is this man doing to me?   
It doesn't take five minutes until the door of the hotel room is opened with a kick.  
„I'm afraid the combination of painkillers and alcohol has extremely funny side effects! I wanted to wait until after the party to surprise you with this room, but I'm so horny on you that I drop dead immediately if you do not fuck me on the spot! » he growls.  
« But your arm... » I protest weakly.  
"I'll ride you, I don't need my arm for that! By the way, you look beautiful, little goblin, so wonderfully confused. »  
I have to help him to get out of his clothes and unlike the last time, he doesn^t seem helpless to me now, not a bit.  
Of course there^s lube and condoms on the nightstand but he's not giving me time to prepare him or put on a condom. With an impatience that doesn't fit him at all, he tears the lubricant out of my hand, wets his own fingers with it and ...oh my god!   
Groaning he fucks himself with two, no, three fingers, just a few violent thrusts and then he just sits down on me, impales himself.  
We both scream, and I^m pretty sure that his cry is not only because of lust. It must be painful for him, he used not enough lube and…there^s no condom.  
Amazed, almost taken by surprise, I stare into the familiar face above me.  
He grins at me panting. « Good? »  
« Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting yourself? »  
« Because I took so many painkillers that I need this, Nicholas. Apparently it wasn't such a good idea to take the pills with a bottle of champagne.“  
« You are crazy ! »  
« Indeed. Crazy for you, goblin ! » he begins to ride me slowly, and it feels fantastic.  
« Did you deliberately not give me time to use a condom? »   
« Yes. Could you stop talking now? » "That was hot, the way you fucked yourself. Could you do that again? 

« Sure. But certainly not now. »

I don't know, somehow I like to talk during sex.  
« Would you touch yourself, Roger ? Would you wank while I^m fucking you ? »  
« I can^t. I'm gonna ride you all fast and hard now, and I need my healthy arm to stabilize me. And I don't want you to touch me, otherwise it will be over in about 10 seconds.“  
It takes 20. 30, maybe, and I see stars as he collapses onto me and i realize that I just filled his sexy ass with my cum.  
Only half an hour later we^re down at the party again. Finally we^re giving some interviews to a very few, well selected journalists. We don't allow questions about our private life, because this is only about the album.  
Afterwards there will be a group photo with wives. And my man.  
Roger and I stay at the hotel this night and besides a lot of sex, we talk all night long.  
James and Tatjana were driven to Giovanna by the limousine shortly after midnight and we have to smile at the fact that this is actually our first night without any kids or parents around.

Cardiff, july 2000  
Thank goodness, this is the last show! I almost die of longing for Roger, although we talked on the phone every day. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed that he didn't attend at least one concert. he could have arranged that despite all the work. For the first time I have doubts again as to whether our so different ways of life can be reconciled with each other on a long-term basis. We really need to talk about this. Fortunately, the really successful show distracts me from these thoughts. I think it's the best of the whole tour.  
We all meet in the hotel bar to celebrate the success when a well known friendly nazi and a raisin come smiling to me.  
I hope for a moment that they brought Roger along, but Fred's words destroy that hope in seconds.  
« If you ever tell him we've been here, I'll have to kill you!“ he grins.  
« We have to talk to you" says the raisin. »  
Amazed I sit down with the two in a slightly secluded corner.  
« Did something happen? Don't tell me he fell off the ladder again!“  
„Nope, he^s fine. We wanna make sure that it stays like this , Nick. See, we know him since 1988, since he moved into the farm house with Giovanna. We saw James growing up, Gio gave birth to Ellea and Elliot in that house. In the beginning, we^ve been all the way sceptical. A bloody popstar who wants to be a farmer, goodness! But he studied agriculture, he renovated the house, he…he^s a farmer, Nicholas ! He^s a farmer at heart. But there was always a certain sadness in him. it got better when we started making music in the barn and that sadness has completely disappeared since your first visit. In the last few weeks, he's been very secluded from us. We have experienced this before, after the separation from Giovanna, and we were worried that it might not have worked out with you two. Instead, he came by the day before yesterday...maybe we shouldn't interfere, Nick, I don't feel very good about betraying him like that, but you see, he's almost like a son to us, we don't have any children of our own...".   
„Fred, what the hell is going on?“  
„He had visitors. Actually, he still has visitors. And with them, he...no, i can^t tell you about that, but what we want to tell you is that he gave us the farm. He gave us the farm and he hired two men to help us. He wants us to move from the coach house to the main house and that he can be there anytime he wants. He says he wants to be with you, Nick, and that in the long run he can't stay in Gloucestershire. I know it's none of our business, but...we want to be sure you want it, otherwise we can't accept his gift! So, please tell us, do you really want to live with him?“


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything makes sense

I^m speechless. Absolutely speechless.   
I clearly understand every single one of Fred^s words, it^s their meaning that I don^t grasp.  
It's not even been three months since I've met him again and we just spent 4 weeks apart from each other. A few hours ago I thought about how different we are and he…he…  
„Frederic!“I say quietly. „We can^t let that happen! It^s his home. He loves the farm and…“  
« Do you say this because you mean it or because you^re a coward again ? Is is about him or about you ? » Mary asks calmly. « Are you having second thoughts, Nick? »  
I'd like to disagree outrageously, but she's right, isn't she? Just a few hours ago I was wondering if it would work with us in the long run. I was sad, almost angry that he didn't even make it to one single concert. Are those doubts? Am I a coward? It's all going way too fast! He can't give up his home for me!   
« It's only been three months! How can he be so sure?“ I desperately look at the raisin and feel terrible.  
« Come on, Mary, let's go. He is and remains a coward. » her husband sighs and the sadness in his words hits me hard.  
„ He is not, Freddie. He's scared!“  
„Oh? And where exactly is the difference?"  
« If you love a person who is so completely different from you, it can frighten you, you know? For example, when a little black woman from the Ivory Coast falls in love with a huge white man...“  
"...then you have to concentrate on what you have in common and not constantly stress how different you are. » Fred blurts. « They are not * completely different !* That's just an excuse! »  
« He hasn't come to a single show. He could have done that if he really wanted to! »I know that I sound like a defiant child and I hate myself for it.  
« "My goodness! I can't believe what a selfish idiot you are! Do you actually understand nothing at all? He was so looking forward to this tour! He told me that you wanted to get him on stage and he was excited like a child on christmas. Then he broke his arm, and with one arm drumming is not possible, is it? Shit, Nicholas, I really wouldn't have thought you were so weepy! He couldn't practice with the cast and he was so disappointed! But instead of crying like you do, he made plans for your future together. He wasn't there because he had to find someone for the farm, because he trained for hours every day as soon as the cast was off and because a lot of work was left behind. If you haven't noticed yet, he also has three children with whom he wants to spend time. Oh, wait, there was often a fourth one, one with very green eyes!“  
Every single word hits me like a fist punch. Am I really such a whiny egoist?  
„Fred, I know it^s a lot to ask for, but…can we drive to Glouchestershire? Now?“  
„No, we can^t! We both, or we three, or all of us, if you want your band buddies with you, will get drunk now, because I'm an old man and I don't drive in the middle of the night for hours just because you don't get sorted. Think about what you want! I still like you, you faggot, and it would be a shame if I had to hit you ! That's exactly what I'm gonna do if you break the heart of the man who's like a son to me!“  
Gloucestershire, july 2000  
With a beating heart I sit in the back of Fred^s car.  
The last night was strange. Everybody acted kind of weird, especially Simon. I can't put it in words, but it felt like something was going to happen any minute. Something big. There was a tension in the air like before a thunderstorm.   
The question arises whether this thunderstorm will be purifying or destructive.  
I'm even more excited, even more insecure than three months ago when I was in a taxi.  
Zeus and Apollo come barking as the car turns into the driveway and I am surprised how much I am touched by this familiar scene. What a fear I had of the two monsters.  
Roger is nowhere in sight , even though he must have heard us.  
I cuddle a little with the two dogs who really seem to be happy to see me.  
„If I were you, I'd take a look in the barn!“ Fred winked at me and the two of them hugged me.  
« Please don't screw this up! » he says quietly and the raisin squeezes my arm knowingly. „ He won^t, Frederic. He won^t!“  
I take three steps towards the barn as I hear it, over the barking of the dogs. He's drumming. And he's obviously not alone. Booming bass lines accompany his rhythm and now a howling guitar can be heard.  
OH! MY! FUCKING! GOD!  
I begin to run without noticing I^m running. That's my imagination! That can't be!  
Panting I tear the heavy door open. "Gentlemen, our keyboarder has just arrived! If we had a singer now, we could start a band!"   
Unbelieving I stare at my broad grinning best friend Nigel, who^s still playing his bass.  
Andy...oh my god, Andy! ...grins just as broadly.  
„Blimey! Rhodes! You haven't changed at all!"  
Then a look hits me, a long, loving look from soft brown eyes and I am lost.  
Wooden sticks crash loudly to the floor and I am pulled into two wonderful arms.   
„Man! That^s irritating!“ Ands chuckles when we kiss.  
„You quickly get used to it! Somehow they fit together, don't you think?“ John^s voice sounds far away, the blood rushes in my ears and I can^t get enough of this sweet mouth, the loving arms and the heat radiating from Roger^s body that seems to burn me.   
Everything makes sense now. Simon's constant hints, the visitors Fred mentioned, the strange atmosphere on the last evening of the tour... They planned this behind my back. Everybody knew about it. I didn't know you could be so happy to be tricked!  
„Is that true, Roger? Is that really true?“ I^m crying like a baby in his arms, I cry of shame for my childish doubts, my selfishness and my fear, but most of all I cry from happiness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new home

A secret place between London and Glouchestershire, April 2001  
« You have to peel them first !“  
« How do you peel tomatoes? »  
« Goodness, Nicholas ! It's a wonder you haven't all starved to death yet! »  
« Roger usually cooks. »   
« I know, but it's Roger's birthday today and you'll be able to cook simple pasta with tomato sauce! »  
« Can't we just have an instant sauce? »  
« I am Italian! Do you want to insult me? Tatji, could you please take the dogs out of the kitchen ? »  
« It^s so funny to watch you two, I don^t wanna leave! » my daughter giggles.  
Not in a million years would I have thought that I^ll ever cook pasta for somewhat 25 people. With Roger^s ex-wife, two dogs and four laughing kids.  
Thank god that we^ve such a spacious kitchen.  
Next door in the living room my parents and my parents-in-law sit with coffee and cake. Or tea, rather, as Jean doesn^t drink coffee.  
The birthday boy is picking up John and Gela from the airport.  
Yes, I^m calling Jean and Hugh my parents-in-law.   
„Instead of laughing at me you could do something useful for a change! Tatjana, please let the dogs out into the garden. Ellea, ask your grandparents if they want more cake. Mary made 3 strawberry cakes, I wonder who's going to eat all that!“ I say.  
The last months were…let^s say,pretty intense. In many ways. There are moments I still can^t believe that all this is real.   
Only a few weeks after the very emotional scene in the barn Roger and I found this house. We were on our way to London, looking for a petrol station when we drove through this little village almost half way between London and Glouchestershire, and there was a *for sale*-sign. At first we drove carelessly past it, only on the way back to the main road, after the car was tanked, had Roger suddenly slowed down sharply.  
"Look at that, Nicholas!  
Red brick, probably eighteenth or nineteenth century, covered with ivy. A wild garden with big old fruit trees. It looked abandoned, somehow enchanted.   
Despite everything, I didn't like the thought that Roger wanted to give up his farm, but I had to admit that we couldn't live in Glouchestershire together. Tatjana^s school is in the suburbs of London and I still don^t have a driver^s license. It would take almost two and a half hours by car from the farm, though, and a bus connection is not even existant. It just doesn't work. But living in London wasn^t an option either. The dogs need their space and Roger needs nature around him.   
Out of nowhere we suddenly had this perfect compromise in front of us. Roger had smilingly reached for my hand and for quite a while we had stared silently at the house.  
« We should have a closer look ! » I said, and my heart was almost bursting with excitement. Hand in hand we had walked around the house and then we made love in the shade of an apple tree.  
As soon as we arrived in London, Roger called the broker and later this day we walked through the rooms of our new home. No words were needed, we both knew that we wanted it and the contracts were signed only an hour later. When we found out that there was a train station with a direct connection to central London, situated only within 15 minutes walking distance from this house, we hadn't hesitated for a second. Tatjana freaked out with joy. With her bike she manages the distance in less than five minutes.  
In September 2000 we moved in, exactly 5 months to the day after a bad-tempered taxi driver drove me to Gloucestershire for the first time.  
During the housewarming-party I found myself in the garden, leaning against that special apple tree, smoking a cigarette, something I hadn^t done for somewhat 12 years. I needed a few minutes alone. However, I was obviously not the only one.  
„I didn't know that you smoked!“ a soft female voice sounded from the darkness.   
Giovanna.  
Her presence still made me biased and that I was just leaning against the trunk of the tree in whose shadow I fucked her ex-husband wasn't helping very much.  
« Shall I leave you alone? » she asks quietly.  
„No, stay if you want. I just had to get away from all those people.“  
« You don't like me very much, do you? »   
Her very straight question surprises me.  
« I even like you very much! I just don't know... I don't know how to behave towards you, Giovanna.“  
„May I have a cigg?“  
« Sure ! »  
« You know, Nick , he^s tortured himself for years and he won^t tell me the reason, no matter how many times I asked what^s wrong. There were times when I thought there^s another woman. Funny, huh? So, let me tell you, I^m glad it^s you. Seriously. If it were another woman, I'd have to keep wondering what I did wrong. What she has that I do not have. I've been making peace with it for a long time, Nick, and I could only do that because you're a man. As I told you in Glouchestershire, I had a hunch. I don^t regret any of it, we had a wonderful time together and we have three wonderful kids, he never…he never gave me the feeling of being second choice.I want him to be happy, and he^s happy with you. What do you think, can we be friends or what?“  
Goodness, she^s fantastic, isn^t she?

„Ah, Nick! Watch it! The water is boiling over!“ Shaking her head, Gio grins as she reduces the heat and out of a sudden impulse, I kiss her cheek.  
„Oh? What was that for?“ she laughs.  
„For being who you are.“  
„Stop flirting with me, Rhodes! You are gay!“ We've really become friends, Giovanna and I. I like her open, straightforward way. Especially James. Ellea and Elliot are happy about our excellent relationship, but also Roger told me more than once how grateful he is.  
I think he never stopped loving her, it^s just a differnt kind of love, a kind of love that gives no reason for being jealous of it.  
„Hey, you^ll have your first anniversary soon, huh? Is there something planned ? » she wants to know.  
Oh yes, there^s something planned, indeed! I booked the hotel room where we spent the night after the pop trash-release party and the plan is to fuck his brains out, but I surely won^t tell his ex-wife about that part.  
„Dinner. Cosy hotel room. No kids, no dogs!“ I wink.  
She bends over to me and whispers: „Make sure to bring enough condoms and lube, then!“  
Ok, I like her straightforward way, but THAT is a bit too much! I^m so taken aback that I speak without thinking. „We haven't used condoms in a long time. Whyever I^m saying this now…“We look at each other embarrassed, which means I'm embarrassed. Gio apparently not.  
"Well, the likelihood of pregnancy is pretty slim," she says with a grin.  
« Er…Thank you very much, this picture of Roger with a baby belly will follow me for months now! »  
« Aha? » she smiles quietly and I slowly realize what I told her with this statement. I just wanted to make a stupid joke, out of embarrassment, and instead told her something very intimate. About us, our sexual life. About her ex-husband, damn it! He surely won^t be amused if i tell her about his preferences.And that^s exactly what I just did, isn^t it ? Besides, the kids are here…  
„You're really cute when you blush, Nick.“ she winks.“ You don't have to be embarrassed, I know it already. We talk about it, you know? »  
« You talk about it? Seriously? That surprises me, Gio! Maybe we should have this conversation another time, yes? »  
I don't know why it shocks me so much. I guess you have to talk to someone about such things. I talk to John, which was quite difficult for me in the beginning. But he is my best friend, who else should I talk to about it? Certainly not with my ex-wife!   
Luckily Ellea comes back into the kitchen this moment, announcing that Roger is back from the airport.   
Elliot , who most likely became the biggest JT-fan on earth for some reason, jumps up , shouting « Uncle Johnny ! » and runs off to greet his idol, followed by his siblings.  
« Go, Nicholas. I'll finish this.“ Giovanna smiles and I^m more than glad to get out.

A little later all other guests arrive and after dinner the original duran-line-up meets in the garden under a certain apple tree to make plans for the reunion. Andy's still a chain smoker, so we went outside. Even if Simon and John argue again after 5 minutes like in the old days, I couldn't be happier.  
„Didn^t you miss that?“ Ands grins as he elbows Roger.  
« Like hell ! » he returns and Charlie has to laugh. His humour is bigger than his ego and after all, the reunion was his very own plan and he desperatly wants it to work.  
„Discussions about a reunion-tour are fruitless if we don^t have any new material, if you ask me. » I say.  
« Indeed. I think we should rent a house again and check if we still can be creative together.if the old flow still works. » Ands suggests and we all agree to that.  
It has to be the well known villa in France, for sure.

Great britain, May 2001  
Well, we knew it, right?   
We knew that there are assholes in the world, quite a lot of them, but still, the drama hits us out of the blue, one day before our anniversary.  
Tatjana comes back from school and I notice immediately that something is not right. She always greets us before she disappears into her room, but not today. Today she slams her room door shut without saying a word. Zeus and Apollo, who had been waiting for her in the hallway and to whom she paid no attention, look at us reproachfully.  
« Leave alone or ask what's going on? » I sigh, addressed to Roger.  
This question is extremely relevant when dealing with teenagers, that's what we learned.  
„Ask! Seems to be something more serious, she' s never like that.“  
Well, *more serious* is relative. Everything is a drama when you^re 13, the world goes under if your crush has a girlfriend, if your teacher rebukes you in front of the whole class or even if you just have a pimple in your face which no one notices but you.  
Anyway, what my daughter tells me in tears, I am in no way prepared for.  
„He won't come here! I invited him, because girls can invite boys, too, not only the other way round, right? And he does not want to come here! "she sobs. To my shame, I have to admit, I have no idea who she's talking about.  
„And you know why not? Because he thinks gays are disgusting! He says it is abnormal and perverse! He says he must puke if he even thinks about it! I never thought... he's always so sweet. I know I should hate him, but I can't!“  
Fuck. Great!   
What am i supposed to say now?  
Helplessly I stroke her shivering back. « Sorry, Tatjana! I^m sorry. »  
« You don^t have to be sorry for the fact that Joey Tennant is an asshole, dad ! »  
Wait a minute, Tennant ? The Tennants are living next door, so to speak. We often meet Joey^s parents when we walk the dogs, they have a dog, too and we always stop to talk a bit, they seem very friendly. Roger and I don^t hide, we walk hand in hand or arm in arm, we share little kisses and such, so with no doubt they know that we^re a couple and they never made any stupid comment about it.  
But then, a teenage boy probably sees things differently, huh?  
„Tatji, maybe he^s just…I dunno…insecure. See, as sad as it is, i guess many boys that age do have problems with gays and most of them don^t even know any gay people. They probably think we^d dress in women^s clothes and grope their asses or something…How about I go and invite the Tennants over for dinner? In the presence of his parents he certainly doesn't dare to make stupid remarks. And who knows, maybe he will notice that we are really nice people! I promise you we won't make out when he gets here.“

Tatjana wipes her tears off and grins at me crookedly.  
„But I like it when you make out! I like it when you flirt and smile at each other in love, that's nice! And you know what? It's not my problem that he finds that disgusting! Let him puke on the table, that^s what I call disgusting!“  
„Ha! That^s my girl! I'm still sorry that people say these things to you, it's not fair that you have to experience this.“  
„Well, a lot of people said this before, and it didn^t bother me, because I don^t care what other people think, but Joey….I really like him!“  
„Seriously, Tatjana! You have to tell me such things! I want to know when people are insulting you because i’m gay!“  
I’m utterly shocked. It was probably too naive to hope we wouldn't have any problems.   
It may not be as blatant as it was in the 80s, but it's like Fred said back then...some people still live in the dark ages.  
„It wouldn't change anything if I told you. You'd be sad and angry, and those idiots aren't worth it! I just would never have thought that Joey of all people...how could I be so wrong?“  
„Maybe he's really just scared of the unknown. Give him a chance. You know, guys that age want to be awfully cool. But often it's just a big mouth.“  
„Okey. Let^s go and invite them!“  
„Let me do this, yeah? You tell Roger what happened ! »  
„All right! But don't tell Joey's parents what he said. You just invite neighbours for dinner!"

Three hours later the Tennant-family is in front of our door.  
Sybel, Joey^s mum, brought flowers.  
« How nice ! » Roger beams as he leads them in. Mark, the father, looks around curiously.  
„Wow, cool what you made of this old house! We've wanted to invite you for a long time, but somehow we didn't really dare. "  
"Why is that? "I want to know.  
"Well, you are famous and rich..."  
"Bullshit! We are your neighbours. Would be nice if we became friends, wouldn't it?“ Roger smiles and we shake hands. Joey can^t look us into the eye while doing this. Tatjana has changed her clothes and made up, she looks absolutely adorable. Grinning, I notice how the boy blushes at her sight.  
„Joey, this is my daughter Tatjana. Have you met her? »  
« Uh yes. Hi, Tatji! »  
„Tatjana, please. Only friends call me Tatji!" With an arrogantly raised eyebrow she offers him her hand and Roger camouflages his laughter with a cough.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> assfucker and cocksucker

„If you don^t mind me asking, what brought you here?“ Mark asks when we are finished with the meal. We had a lively conversation during dinner, but none of the teens said a word.  
„Coincidence!“ Roger grins, reaching over to take my hand in his.  
„Fate, rather!“ I wink, bringing his knuckles to my mouth to kiss them gently. Eat this, Joey!   
„Roger had a farm in Glouchestershire, but he wanted to live with dad…and me. Roger is my stepmom, so to speak!“ Tatji beams and I^m pretty sure the boy^s gonna puke any minute.  
„Stepdad, Tatjana Lee Orchid, please!“ Roger growls and throws a tablespoon at her.  
« What about the other three kids? I see them quite often but they don^t live here, do they?“  
„Those are my kids, Sybel. They are living with their mom, but of course it^s their second home here »  
« Ah ! So Gio is your ex-wife then, I met her last week when she brought the kids.We had a nice talk about how much we still miss our home countries. I was born in Turkey, you know.My parents came to England when I was 5 and they opened a turkish restaurant.“  
„Thank god…or Allah, that they did! Otherwise I wouldn^t have met you.“ Mark smiles.  
« If it's up to my parents, Allah isn't very excited about it. » Sybel smirks.  
« Oh, we didn`t know you^re a muslim, but no worries, I^m vegetarian, so there^s no pork in the food or something. Your parents have a problem with you being married?“  
„Well, they got used to it, I guess. We have Joey to thank for that, they love their grandson idolatrously. In the beginning it was a bit difficult, but you have to fight for what you love, don't you?“ she winks and Roger raises his wine glass.  
„To the love!“  
„May all the haters be quiet forever!“ Tatji hisses into Joey`s direction and he blushes deeply.  
„Tell me, you two, what's going on? You behave really strange! Joey, what is wrong with you? You have never been so silent in your whole life!“ Mark is indeed a very good observer.

„Poor Joey is not well. He suffers from extreme homophobia! He doesn't really want to be here at all, among perverts. Sorry, among assfucking, cocksucking perverts, to quote him correctly!“ Tatjana explains coldly.   
I almost spill my wine. She has kept this part from me so far, apparently.  
« Is that true, my son? Did you really say that?“ his mother looks as if she is about to burst with rage.  
„Uuuhm….“  
„Joseph Murat Tennant, a word!“ Mark grabs him by the collar and drags him out.  
„I don^t know what^s wrong with him! We didn't raise him that way, honestly, we didn't!“ Sybel whispers.  
„You shouldn't have said that, Tatji! Not in front of his parents. That wasn't fair!“ Roger says.  
„I beg you pardon? Tatjana wasn^t fair ? So you think calling us assfuckers and cocksuckers is fair, yeah ? » I blurt. What the fuck got into him, rebuking Tatjana!  
« Oh well, Nicholas, it^s not that he^s completely wrong about that, huh?“ he chuckles but I can^t find something funny in it, really not !  
« Apparently I don't share your sense of humour, Roger ! »  
« Well, Nick, maybe you still have a problem admitting what you are! I think I'll take the dogs out for a walk. Excuse me, Sybel!" How the hell did this escalate so much? We've never argued before, never!  
„I^m sorry, daddy!“ Tatjana is totally shocked and she flings her arms around me when Roger has left.  
« It^s not your fault, sweetie! »  
«Maybe I'd better go. I'm sorry that this beautiful evening had to end like this. Let's repeat that when everyone has calmed down, shall we?“ Oh, great. Now we've also driven Sybel away!   
Tatjana and I look at each other stunned as we now sit alone in the dining room.  
„Roger's coming back, isn't he?“ she worries.  
„Of course, Tatjana!“

But he's not coming. I almost go crazy when he's still not back until midnight.  
Then I hear Zeus barking quietly. He seems to call me.  
When the dogs are there, Roger can't be far. He^s sitting in the garden, under the apple tree, and I'd like to yell at him. I'd like to be angry with him, but he just stretches out his hand and pulls me down and my anger disappears into thin air.  
„For how long have you been sitting here,Roger? I started to worry, you know!“ I let my fingers run through his thick, silky hair and he sighs deeply, leaning in for my touch.  
„I overreacted, Nick, I'm sorry. I didn't want to embarrass Tatji. It^s just… how can we be mad at Joey? After all, we thought for years that what we do is perverted. That assfucking and cocksucking isn^t right. What gives us the right to rebuke him for this? You made it very clear to me back then, remember? When I told you that Gio seemed interested in me, you told me to go out with her. You said what we were doing wasn't right and we should stop and meet girls.“  
„I was hoping you'd fight for me. I... I thought if you really loved me, you wouldn't be seeing Gio!" I say „And yes, Roger, I know that sounds like a pretty lousy excuse, but it^s the truth. I wanted you to be the prince on a white horse coming to my rescue ! »  
« I^m no prince, Nicholas ! I^m a Brum-kid ! My white horse was my bike ! »  
„I would have fleed with you on a bike also!“  
„Don^t blame it all on me , Nick! »  
« That^s not what I^m doing ! I was a weak little coward and I just secretly hoped that you^d be stronger than me!“  
„I obviously wasn^t! And deep inside, Nick, I^m afraid that you are still ashamed of what you are! Which is, in fact, a cocksucker and assfucker!“  
„Please excuse me for not wanting to talk about ass fucking in front of my 14-year-old daughter, all right?" I blurt because I feel pretty offended.  
„It^s not that you brought that up, huh? It was her! And I would like to deal with such things like Mary and Fred. Humour, remember? It^s not that we have to give her explicit details about our sex life, but that doesn^t mean we have to deny having sex! She^s not stupid and she^s not deaf and most likely she knows more about assfucking and cocksucking as you want her to know.“  
„ I don't want to argue with you, Roger! That I can't handle it as easily as you don't mean that I don't stand by what I am! In that case, I wouldn't be living with you, would I?“  
„You^re right. Sorry. I dunno…I^m scared, I guess ! »  
„Of what?“  
„That you're not happy. Here, with me. That this is not the life that you want to lead.“  
„You^re the one who changed his whole life for me, Roger! If either of us should be scared, it's me!“  
„And? Are you?“  
„No! I^m not! I love you.“  
« And I love you, my goblin ! Happy anniversary, by the way. Can we go in? I got you a present. »

I unpack that present in our bedroom. It^s a suit. Not just any suit. It's the one the dogs ruined on my first visit. Exactly the same. He actually had it copied!  
"Are you putting this on for me tonight? With everything that goes with it? I love you as you are, Nicholas. With your fancy clothes, all the make-up and everything! It^s you and I don^t want you to be anyone else! There are two invitations in the inside pocket, by the way. We are not going to dinner tonight, but to a photo exhibition. A gay artist photographing male nudes. I thought you might like that.Buffet, champagne and naked men, sounds good, huh?“  
« Actually, I^m not interested in naked men if they^re not you! Talking about that…“ with a grin i start to unbotton his shirt, but then it occurs to me that of course I also have a gift for him.  
It^s that photo of us in front of his drumkit in my mom^s garage and some kind of remake of it in the barn in Glouchestershire. Me and him kissing in front of the same drumkit the day I realized that there^d be a reunion. John has taken this pic and I didn^t know about it^s existence before he mailed it to me a month ago. I put them both together in a frame and in between I drew many small green-eyed goblins and brown-eyed devils.  
And because we're both pathetic whiny faggots, we have to cry a little.  
We don't have sex this night. We just hold each other tightly and enjoy being together.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An almost screwed anniversary

It took me almost two hours until I was satisfied with my looks and when I finally got out of the bathroom Roger made a soft whistle.  
« You look gorgeous, Mr. Rhodes. »  
„And you look absolutely hot,Mr. Taylor!“  
He is wearing plain black jeans, a white t-shirt and a silver grey velvet jacket and I notice with a grin that he obviously used my eyeliner. Very discreet, but effective.  
Against expectation I like the photos quite well. They are really beautifully made, in no way plump or pornographic. Light and shadow were so cleverly used that one can only guess the genitals. Instead, the artist placed a lot of focus on aesthetics. Curves and lines. A hommage to the human body, the male human body.  
A good 90 percent of the exhibition visitors are clearly gay men, plus a few ladies with their spouses. The latter are clearly uncomfortable in view of so much male nudity, although they try hard to act as if this were not the case. Roger just set off to get us some champagne when someone taps me on the shoulder.  
A small, slim man with a goatee beard. He reminds me of a weasel and I immediately realize that I don't like him.  
"Mister Rhodes! What a pleasure to meet you! My name is Matt Harrison! Finally I get to know you in person! I worked with Roger a couple of years ago. That was really fulfilling!"

Oh no! That's Matthew! Very fulfilling? I'm about to puke, fulfilling! Is he doing this on purpose, this disgusting ambiguity?  
Somehow I can understand Joey very well for once. Yet alone the thought of Roger and this…uh. I can^t even think this thought to end.  
That son of a bitch fucked Roger! This little, greasy weasel!   
Oh , wait a minute, that^s not correct, huh ? Roger fucked him ! They shared something that we never did.   
I force myself to a fake smile while I shake hands with the man. „Mister Harrison! My pleasure!“  
« I hear we have common interests, don't we? » He's winking at me conspiratorially.  
He is clearly doing this on purpose, this asshole!  
« Obviously we both play keyboard! » The smile is frozen on my face, but i will certainly not react to his disgusting allusions!  
I'm overcome with raging jealousy as Roger smiles when he comes up to us.  
« Matt ! You here, what a surprise ! Where did you leave your lovely wife? »  
Bang ! The greasy grin disappears in a flash and I almost laughed.  
„Roger! Did your sheep give you the day off?“  
„They even let me shower before! Isn't that nice, Matthew?“

Obviously the two didn't split up by mutual agreement. I guess that had more to do with Matt^s wife than with the sheep.  
„Ah, darling! Champagne! Thank you so much!“ I grab Roger by the collar and kiss him fiercely, half of the champagne spilling over. I feel his repressed laughter at my neck.  
Matthew stares at us and i swear, there^s envy in his eyes. Envy and jealousy.  
„Where is your lovely wife, of whom my husband spoke?“ I beam at him.  
„Maybe she doesn't like looking at naked men as much as Matt does.“ Roger says, his bright smile a harsh contrast to his cold tone.  
I'm slightly surprised by this coldness. It sounds like hate.  
And as much as it fills me with satisfaction, this is not the right place for something the two of them have probably never clarified.   
"Roger, have you seen? The buffet is completely vegetarian! I have to try these delicious-looking stuffed peppers before they are gone! It was nice to meet you, Matt, and say hello to your wife!" Without looking back I drag my man with me.  
Harrison doesn’t follow us.  
„Fuck, Roger! What was that?“  
„That was the guy who forgot to tell me he was married! I wanted to visit him at home, surprise surprise, a very pregnant woman opens the door for me and she is so happy to see me! Because her husband has already told her so many great things about me! Fuck, Nick! Do you know how I felt?“  
« Let me guess, you never talked about it. »  
„There is nothing to talk about! He lied to his wife. He lied to me. He's a lousy asshole.I didn^t know he…oh goodness, please, no ! »  
« Roger ! Oh my god ! » An incredibly attractive brunette takes him enthusiastically in her arms.  
Well. Looks like Mrs. Harrison is here too.  
We should have had dinner in a restaurant far away from here. Or, even better, we should have ordered room service!  
„Amy! You look fantastic!“ Almost desperate, he holds my hand so tight it hurts. I never had the need to fight with anyone, but now I would like to ram my fist into this slimy weasel's face, for putting Roger in this terrible situation. For spoiling our first anniversary. For having sex with my man while his pregnant wife was sitting at home unsuspectingly.  
„Better than last time! The belly is gone. You look awesome , my dear! Have you seen Matt yet? He must be here somewhere! Oh, where are my manners! I^m Amy. Pleased to meet the legendary Nick Rhodes! Look, there^s Matt! Darling, see who i just met!“  
Roger, Matt and I are playing the finest show for a whole hour. We should get an Oscar for it.  
For Amy, I think all the time, we're doing this for Amy! She's a really nice person, and she likes Roger from the heart.  
I'm not letting go of his hand.  
« You guys are such a beautiful couple! » she smiles. «Matt never told me you were gay.“  
„Probably because he didn't know. I didn't rub it in everyone's face back then.“ Roger shrugs.

„Matt certainly had no problem with that! Didn't you, darling? The artist is a good friend of ours, Matt often meets with him. They' re working on a project. Matt composes music for the next exhibition.“  
Matt often meets with him, working on a project…that sounds familiar, doesn^t it? That lying bastard's doing it again!   
We've already met the artist, a German named Arndt. Muscular, rather small for a man, dark-haired... Matthew definitely has taste in the choice of his men, you have to give him that. Apparently, his focus is on a certain type.  
We say goodbye not much later and as soon as the hotelroom door fell shut behind us, Roger rams his fist against the wall with a heartfelt scream.  
„You should rather have done this with the weasle^s face, huh? Seriously, Roger, you fucked a weasle? I will apologize to Joey, because, goodness, that almost make me puke!“  
„A weasle?“ he chuckles and I^m glad to make him laugh.  
« Oh Nick ! I just wanted…I …at least he^s a keyboarder!“  
„Aha. So you fucked him because you have some kind of keyboarder-fetish, yes? Note to myself, don^t let any keyborder come near your boyfriend unless it^s me ! »  
« We…he^s a fan of your^s. from the first moment on he asked me questions about you and… »  
« Oh ? That surprises me ! I really thought he^s into the dark-haired, James-Dean-kind of guy.. »  
„He didn^t want to have sex with you! He admired you, musically. Called you a genius and such. One day in the studio he started to play some Duran-tunes and I joined in with the drums and it was like…goodness, I know it^s absolutely stupid but he^s been flirting with me for weeks and I wanted…I missed it, Nick! I fucking missed it! And I was as much of an asshole as he was, because I used him. I used him and thought of you. I never looked him in the eye during sex and I never let him fuck me. I told you that^s yours, only yours.“  
« You know what ? I don^t wanna talk about this idiot any more. I want to give you what you missed, lots of it! »   
When I start to undress him, I notice immediately that something is different. He leaves me in charge, acts more passive than usual. Today he doesn't need a cast arm to show me his vulnerability.  
I take my time, kissing and stroking and when he^s finally naked I^m still fully dressed.  
„Lie down, my love. Do you know how beautiful you are? You are the man of my dreams, Roger. You always were and you always will be! I 've thought so many times about your eyes, how dark they get when you're aroused. About how your legs felt when you wrapped them around me and how adorable you look right before you come. But you know what I was thinking about the most? This feeling of being inside you. So hot, so soft and yet so tight. How I slowly pushed myself into you, how you gave in, let me in and held me in you as if you would never let me out again. »  
While I^m gently talking to him I let my hands wander over his body, noticing the goosebumps and the slight shivering. His breath fastens and the dark eyes are fixed at me, at my face. Yes, my drummer is aroused to no end, wonderfully aroused.  
«It surprised me in the beginning, Roger, how much you liked it. How much you liked my cock in your tight ass, how much you liked to be fucked. And when you came for the first time, the first time with my cock in you, you became even tighter and hotter around me and it was almost painful. It felt like a steel fist covered in hot velvet that greedily milked me.“  
Roger moans softly and he starts to buck his hips.   
„I still don't know what I liked better. Your screaming or this unbelievable amount of cum that spurted out of you. I could hear how the splashes hit your skin. There were two things I would have liked to do back then that I didn't dare, because I didn't want to be a pervert ass fucker and cocksucker. First, I would have loved to see my cum run out of you, and second, I would have loved to lick yours from your stomach, from your chest and from your gorgeous cock.“   
Very gently my fingers lay around the soft, bulging balls and I roll them tenderly in my hand.  
Roger's sobbing up.  
„Please, Nick! Oh god! I can^t stand this! I need more!“  
„Patience, my love! You know what I found the most fascinating thing? That you came without a single touch of your cock! That reminds me, it was incredibly horny when you fucked yourself with your own fingers! Have you actually done this more often? » I blow I on the shiny wet swollen tip of his twitching cock.  
« YES ! » he screams « OH YEEEEES ! »  
„You did it more often?“  
„Yes!“ an almost unhearable gasp.  
„How often?“  
„I dont know. Often!“   
„Did you think of me when you did it?“  
« Yes, Nick ! I thought of you ! I thought of YOUR fingers and YOUR cock! Could you please stop torturing me now ? Fuck me ! »  
« My pleasure!“


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have time

Everything I said to him is nothing but the truth. In the early 80s, wenn we started to have sex, we never used condoms because condoms were used to avoid pregnancy. It wasn^t about AIDS or any other sexual diseases back then, so I would have had the opportunity to do all the things I wanted so badly.  
But it was about shame, about the feeling that what we do isn’t right, and my fantasies seemed absolutely perverse to me. I didn^t allow myself to try how cum tastes or something. I've always found cum exciting, but would never have admitted it back then.  
It was there because we are boys and boys ejaculate. Finding it beautiful, fascinating and maybe even delicious would definitely not be normal.  
Now, since the pop-trash-release-day, we don^t use condoms any more either and I have no fear of telling my man what I like. Or what I think I would like, at least.

I don^t care if Joey or whoever else has to puke just by the thought of what we^re doing, the only person that counts here is Roger, and Roger obviously likes it all, he can^t get enough and has quite a lot of ideas himself.  
He first round goes pretty fast and I actually licked his cum off , now kneeling between his legs, staring at his pucker, what he finds extremely amusing. 

„I don^t think it will be any faster if you^re trying to hypnotise my butthole, Nicholas! It feels weird , you looking at me like this!“  
„Are you calling me weird?“  
„You are weird. But being weird doesn^t mean there^s something wrong about it, luv. It’s just that no one ever …well, I feel very very exposed.“   
„Are you unconfortable with it?“ I can^t resist to touch this wet hot place of pleasure with a thumb, soft like a butterfly and he^s twitching slightly.  
« No. It's just strange. But it's also pretty sexy, kind of. Unfortunately you will always have to tell me things like that during sex from now on, that was incredibly exciting, you know? Your voice is insanely erotic.“  
„Thank you! You're very inspiring. »  
„Oh, so are you!“  
I miss the moment when my semen runs out of him because we kiss violently.  
„What a shame! I^m afraid we have to do it again!“ I chuckle at his neck.  
„What a terrible thought!“ he laughs, flinging his legs around me, makes me feel he's already getting hard again.  
„Did you also want to do things you didn't dare to do?“ I want to know  
« Of course . A lot of things ! »  
« Tell me about it. »  
« I will show you ! » He rolls us over, so that he^s sitting astride me. I like to feel his weight on my body, feel his strength.  
Smiling, he bends down to me and buries his nose in my armpit. I have to laugh as his tongue tenderly licks over the sweaty skin.  
"That tickles!  
His tongue strokes more strongly, then he rubs his nose at the sensitive spot and bites tenderly into the underside of my upper arm.  
„I would like to do that with your whole body!“ he growls  
„What? Bite me?“  
„ Lick you. Smell and taste you. Everywhere. Bite you if you like it.“  
And how I like it!   
He doesn't bite hard, it's more of a gentle, tender nibble.  
First he devotes himself to my front, top down. Only with tongue, lips and teeth. He growls with delight.   
I love it! I can hardly bear it, but I love it. Everything in me screams for more, but I enjoy the sweet agony. My whole body consists only of twitching nerve endings and I have to force myself not to beg for more, especially when he comletely ignores my dripping cock.  
Never before I wanted to fuck him as much as now, but he wants my whole body and he gets my whole body.  
My self-control is divinely rewarded as he devotes himself to my back, again from top to bottom, leaving my ass unnoticed at first. On his way back however strong hands are parting my cheeks and I feel his tongue at my entrance, first on the outside, then in me. My orgasm is totally unexpected. Not wild and violent, more like a gentle, warm wave that carries me away.  
Laughing quietly, he turns me around and licks off my twitching cock at last.  
„See, Nicholas? I didn^t even touch it!“  
Even though I woke up often, almost daily, next to him in the last weeks, this moment has lost nothing of its magic. I still fall into disbelief when I feel his warm body next to me. Sometimes my head lies on his chest, sometimes the other way round. We always touch each other somehow, whether his leg lies on my hip or we snuggle up in spoon position.  
We haven't slept much that night and still I feel fit and rested like I haven't for a long time.  
Today it's the spoon position and I gently kiss his neck, my awakening member pressed firmly to his fantastic ass.  
« Good morning, goblin ! » he yawns, rubbing this ass against me.  
I'm sure he's sore. I think we've overdone it a little, but there was so much we had to show ourselves, what we had to give ourselves.  
Now that I can finally admit to myself that I am absolutely enraptured by this orifice, which most people tend to associate with something unpleasantly dirty, I couldn't deal with it enough. I was in him in every possible way. With my cock, my fingers, my tongue, once together with his own fingers.  
Roger also had his fingers in me, but I can't let go as easily as he does. I want to work on it because I want him to fuck me sometime.  
I told him that and he kissed me tenderly for a long time.  
„We have time, Nick. All the time in the world.“  
Roger lifts his upper leg and pushes himself against me. My cock glides into him as if on its own and we both gasp in surprise.  
"Welcome home," he chuckles, and although he's obviously been hurting, he's holding me tighty in him.  
We hardly move.  
Somehow it's not about sex, it's about being connected.  
We even fall asleep again and when I wake up the next time, I am alone in bed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking helps

I don't know yet, but I'm learning an important lesson today.  
Yawning, I sit up and wonder where Roger is when I look at the bedside table. There^s a note.  
*Amy and the weasle! Breakfast room.*  
What the fuck?  
I don't think I've ever dressed this fast before. Roger`s cum still sticks to me and I clearly smell like sex, but the stupid weasel is allowed to notice that. I don't need a lot of makeup, but the obligatory eyeliner must be.  
What are they doing here? How do they even know we're in this hotel? And why is Roger so willing to meet them?  
These questions rotate in my head as I ride down in the elevator.  
When I enter the breakfast room, I get a really peculiar view and ask myself briefly if this is a dream.  
The three of them sit laughing at the table and have a toast with champagne.

« May I ask what the reason for this funny party is? » I want to know and notice that I sound pretty snappish.  
„Ah, Nick! Good morning!“ Matt beams at me so highly delighted that the whole thing seems even more strange to me.  
Are they acting for Amy again or what?  
"I think there's been a little misunderstanding. And I'm afraid it's my fault! You were so strange yesterday. So, Nick, I didn't know you knew about Matt.“  
„Pardon me?“ I stare at the attractive woman in awe.  
„She knew it. All the time.“ explains Roger. „And actually it^s my fault, Amy, not your^s ! »  
"No, it's just my fault, and I'm very sorry!" says Matt, contrite.  
« Okay, one at a time! I don't understand anything right now.“ I shrug. I don^t get it, really.  
"I didn't tell Roger about Amy because I thought I wouldn't stand a chance. But Amy knew about Roger. Unfortunately this stubborn son of a bitch didn't give me the opportunity to explain all this. He just disappeared and refused any encounter with me. I apologize again, it was not ok to hide that I am married! But most people don't understand our agreement. I^m bisexual, what my wife knows from the very beginning, and I^m allowed to meet with men. Not that it happens very often, I^m not interested in one night stands or quickies in darkrooms or such...the point is, I^m not the selfish asshole who cheated on his pregnant wife, uh? Amy gave permission. See, as I told you, working with Roger was amazing! The first time for me to work with a professional musician, of all people the former drummer of a band that impressed me very much, that I admired. Mostly for your synths, of course. You^re the reason I^m interested in keyboards, Nick Rhodes ! Your way of playing inspired mine.“ Matthew says.  
I don't really understand all this, but I do realize one thing. He did not mean these things ambiguously. That working with Roger was *fulfilling*. That we have something in common. He actually meant that purely musically.

When Roger and I are back in the hotel room about an hour later I still feel like none of this really happened.  
„I could never do that! It would kill me to know that the person I love has sex with someone else.“ I sigh, pulling him close.

„I don't understand that either. So it's quite right that he didn't tell me that he was married, because he really wouldn't have had a chance if I had known. But it's nice not to have to feel bad about Amy anymore. It shows once again that you should talk, no matter how angry you are and no matter how clear the situation seems. »  
« Well, also shows how much you can interpret into something when you're jealous and biased. He said working with you was fullfilling. That we share the same likes or something, and I thought he meant it sexually. I almost puked! I was so angry that you shared something that we didn't.“  
„ We share a lot more, goblin! You^re the only person in the world I want to share everything with ! There^s no need to be jealous and I assure you that you^ll be the only one, always and forever!“   
*Always* and *forever* are big words, huh? But at this very moment I don^t have the slightest doubts about them being true. I didn^t know how fast that would change, though.

The dogs are freaking out when we^re back, as if we^d been away for a year or something and not just even 2 days.  
Mary and Fred, who were looking after Tatjana, also greet us as if they had^n^t seen us for months.  
„Goodness, it was only a weekend in London, not a survival trip to Asia or something!“ I laugh. „Where^s Tatji?“  
„Visiting your neighbours!“ Mary winks. « Or should I say she^s having some sort of date with Joey ? »  
« Oh ? » I freely admit I feel kinda betrayed. So my daughter meets with an homophobic little bastard as soon as I^ve left the house!  
„The young man came by this morning and wanted to talk to you. The little lady yelled at him and refused to let him in. He stood in front of the door for a whole hour, seriously. Tatjana told us what happened. I went out and we had a good old man-to-man-talk. He^s really sorry, give him a chance.“ Fred explains.  
« We^re all invited for dinner and I beg you to say yes because I loooove turkish food ! »  
„Mary, you have a better puppy-look than Zeus!“ Roger chuckles.  
So it happens that two hours later Fred rings the Tennant^s doorbell.  
Joey himself opens. He looks pretty embarrassed.  
"Uh, it's nice that you came and I'm sorry. I...I don't know why I said all that. Tatji was furious with me and I...I like Tatjana!"

Ok, his honesty impresses me, even though I have decided not to make it so easy for him.  
„Well, Joey, I'm afraid Tatjana likes you too. That's why it hurt her so much. Me too, by the way.“  
Before the boy is able to answer he^s rudely pushed aside.  
„Daddy! How^s your anniversary?“ That my teenage daughter still hugs and kisses me, even in front of her crush, fills me with joy and I return her stormy embrace laughing.   
„Let me put it this way, the start wasn't particularly pleasant, but it got better! »

"It got better? You're crazy! If I wasn't afraid that poor Joey would get sick, I'd spank you now! It got better! "Roger rolls his eyes dramatically and we all have to laugh. In contrast to the last dinner together, this evening is wonderfully harmonious and Roger and I even snog a little, simply because I can't sit next to him without doing so.  
But we can't leave any little teasing in the direction of Joey.   
"Is the poor boy already green in his face?" Roger grins.  
"No, rather red!   
"Maybe he hasn't noticed yet that we're holding hands under the table! "  
„Man! I told you I was sorry! And you're kind of cute, really!"  
« Cute? Nick! He called us cute! »  
« We're men, men aren't cute, Joey Tennant! » I blurt.  
« Said the man in the pink suit and the flamingos!“ Fred chuckles.  
« That wasn^t cute, Frederic ! That was stylish. But what do I tell a bald-headed farmer about style!“  
"You still haven't told me if you were really naked in this most stylish bathtub! You're lucky the flamingos didn't bite anything off. You must have been the only groom in human history who wore more makeup than his bride. So, were you naked or not, huh?"  
"We were! And after the photographer left it became very funny in the bathtub! You wouldn't have thought that, would you?“  
„There are some people at the table who don't want to imagine it, Nicholas!“ Roger smirks.  
„Are you jealous, Taylor?“  
„I was talking of the present non-adults, Bates!“  
„So, Tatjana knows what her parents look like naked and Joey would probably have more of a problem if I told him we'd both been sitting naked in the tub, honey.“  
„Unfortunately, we've never done this from what I can remember.“  
„Ha! See! You^re jealous!“  
Roger and Fred were ever so right, it^s a lot easier to take it with a tad of humour.  
Around midnight Tatji and Joey say good night, they have to go to school the next day.  
We all smile at each other when Joey walks her home.  
„I bet they make out!“ my man grins.  
« Uh! You think?“  
„I caught them kissing this afternoon. Under your apple tree!“ Mark laughs.  
"This tree clearly has an inspiring aura!" I sigh.

"Apparently! By the way, I can see it quite well from the kitchen window. I always wanted to have told you! " Sybel grins.  
„Ooops!“ Roger turns a tad reddish, what is really cute.  
„You've been very comfortable here since the beginning, haven't you? Does anyone want apple schnapps, since we're talking about apple trees? Homemade! From your apples, by the way.“ Mark doesn^t wait for an answer, he gets up and brings the bottle.  
„Goodness, I hope Joey hasn^t seen that! That^d explain a lot, wouldn^t it?“ Roger wonders.  
„Er…do I want to know what you^re talking about?“ Freddie shrugs.  
„ Under the apple tree it was even funnier than in the bath tub, baldhead!“ I chuckle.  
„Well, as far as I know Joey didn^t saw it, unless you have done it more than once!“ Mark says, pouring us the schnapps.  
« We haven^t. And now that we know that we might have spectators, we're not going to do that any more, promised ! » I assure.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories

The raisin and the nazi stay over night since we all had a lot of that schnapps and unfortunately Roger and I are too drunk for any sexual actions.  
« By the way, Matt has no affair with that photographer ! » Rog slurs when he cuddles up to me in bed.  
„Oh? I still don^t get this agreement, though. Do you think Amy is happy with it? I mean, from the bottom of her heart?“  
„She said she is. Why should she lie about that?“  
„Maybe because she^s in love with Matt and is afraid to lose him if she won^t agree.“  
„Well, she said she can^t give him what a man can give him and that it^s ok for her. She^d never share him with a woman.“  
„It^s kinda funny, huh? Giovanna said something like that. That she^s long over it because I^m a man. Do you think she would have shared?“  
„No. I wouldn't have wanted that either. I am quite monogamous, you know? »

„Doesn't bother me at all! But you talk to her about our sex life, that surprised me quite a bit! »

„She asked. And I have no reason not to be honest with her.“

„I couldn't talk to Jewels about it. »

« You don't have to. You have John. Gio is my best friend, just like John is your best friend.“

„But I never had sex with John.“  
„It bothers you that I'm talking to her about this?“  
„No, not really. It^s weird, though. After all, she^s the mother of your kids!“  
„It's not like we talk about this for hours and hours, Nick. She asked me exactly once, just out of curiosity. She was a little astonished about our...how shall I say... role allocation.“  
„Role allocation? I didn^t know we have such a thing!“ I chuckle.  
« We haven't? Top and bottom?“

„I wouldn't call that roll-allocation.“  
„What would you call it?“

„I would call it addiction. Or obsession. I believe that I will never get enough of it!“ 

„Oh, I very much hope so! Although I really need a break now! Kissing would be nice, though!“  
And that^s what we do, good and proper.

As though Freddie and Mary had offered to let us sleep I stay up early to have a few minutes with my daughter before she ^s off to school.  
With a grin I notice that she put on some eyeliner, what she usually doesn^t at school days.  
„So, Joey will come over to pick you up, huh?“  
„Hmhm.“ She mumbles and the girlish blush makes me chuckle.  
« I gave him a good opinion, you know. And his parents were pretty angry, too. He didn't know any gays so far, he just babbled about what the morons at school were saying. About ...you know, sex. It is always only about sex. Joey was really surprised that you live together. He thought gay men only meet in clubs and toilets and parks..."  
« Some people do. » I say, matter-of-factly.  
« Have you ever done that? »  
« I...once, in a club. » I have to be honest to her, even though I wish I could lie about it.  
„Why?“  
„Because I was lonely and I missed sex. But it wasn^t what I was looking for and I felt bad afterwards. I^m old-fashioned, I guess, I like sex more when I love the person I^m having sex with.“  
« But you met a few men, huh? »  
« Not many, Tatjana. See, I wish I'd fallen in love again, but that just didn't happen. And when we met Gio and James at the Royal Albert Hall, I realized that I couldn't fall in love because I still think of Roger. I had to see him again, I had to know if those things were only in my head. I only had to look at him for a second and knew I was still terribly in love with him.“  
„That was very brave of you, dad. And it's pretty romantic too, isn't it? »  
« Yes, it is! Oh God, what a fear I had of Zeus and Apollo! And do you think Joey can handle us?“

„He likes you. I think he's getting used to it.“

„Where are Mary and Fred, by the way?“  
„Out for a stroll. I think they wanted to give us some privacy!“  
We hug each other until the doorbell interrupts this father-daugher-moment.  
It^s Joey.  
„Good Morning, Mister Rhodes!“   
„Nick, okey?“  
I look after the two of them as they swing onto their bicycles laughing.  
My little daughter has her first boyfriend. That's pretty weird!

Sighing, I make coffee and return to the bedroom with two cups. Roger is still asleep and I enjoy the sight of him. He lies on his belly, the blanket has slipped down to the base of his gorgeous butt. I like his back, the broad shoulders, the gentle arch of his spine, the two delightful dimples at its end, right above the firm cheeks  
Quietly I put the cups on the bedside table and sit beside him. Tenderly I follow the line of his spine with one finger.  
„Good morning, my adorable farmer boy, I brought you some coffee.“  
Grumbling, he comes up on one elbow and blinks at me sleepily. He looks incredibly cute, almost like two decades ago.  
„I wish I'd woken up next to you after our first time.“ I whisper.  
„That would have been really beautiful, Nick. Because I was pretty messed up.“ He moves to the side, making space for me, invitingly patting the mattress. « Come in, goblin, will you ? Why do you have to think about that right now? »

« Because you look exactly the same as you did 20 years ago. »

Sighing with happiness I cuddle up to his warm body and immediately his arms are around me.  
« Were you scared, then? » he asks quietly.  
« I was too excited to be afraid. And too surprised. I thought you would deflower me, not the other way around. Because you were the older and stronger one, after all. »  
„I^m still the older and stronger one!“ he chuckles.  
„That^s utterly true! Anyway, it was…absolutely overwhelming!“

I stood in front of his house, my heart beating like mad.   
His parents went to Steve^s university, he started to study architecture a while ago and it^s parent^s day over there. Roger called me just an hour ago.  
„Nicholas, it^s Roger on the phone for you!“ mom shouted and, like always, just the mention of his name gave me goosebumbs all over.  
« Hi. What^s up ? » I tried to sound as casual as possible because my mother was still standing beside the phone, smiling.  
« Can you come over ? I^m all alone and I^m bored. Family won^t be back until late evening. »  
With that, he said it all.  
„OK. Mom, can you drive me over to the Taylors?“   
Goodness ! We^ll be alone ! For the first time in months we^ll have more than a few stolen minutes, more than a few eager kisses in some dark corners. I knew it^d happen today, even though i didn^t really know exactly what *it* is. More than kissing and wanking, for sure.   
So here I stood, excited to no end. My hand was trembling so much I almost missed the knob for the doorbell.  
Roger, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber when he let me in. He guided me into the kitchen and got beer out of the fridge.   
We sat opposite each other for quite a while, not saying a word, and I started to wonder if I got him wrong. Maybe he^d say something like „Well, Nick, we have to end this because it^s not right.“ Or whatever. He seemed so distanced.

„ I've never seen you naked before, you know that? I mean, really naked. And I would like to sleep with you. I have no idea how that works but... you know, i didn't dare to buy lubricants, do you think you can do it with body oil? My grandma luckily has problems with her digestion, I stole an enema from her. So you don't have to be disgusted or anything, I think I'm pretty...well...clean."

His hasty flood of words came as a complete surprise and I stared at him without understanding until the meaning of his little speech hit me to the core.  
„You don't want it! I'm sorry, Nick, I thought...ohgod, you find that disgusting, don't you?“ all his coolness was gone, he looked like I^d hit him straight in the face.  
„No! Roger, no! I'd die to see you naked! I can't believe you want me in you...that's...oh, damn it, Roger, I want that! And I could never be disgusted by you, never, because you are beautiful, beautiful and wonderful and sexy and..."  
My beer bottle fell over when Roger bent over the table to kiss me.  
„Then let's go to my room, Nicholas."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time

I remember being surprised by Roger's incredible tenderness. He had just offered me to sleep with him, but still he gently took the lead. In his room he had slowly undressed me until I stood naked in front of him. I couldn't wait to see him naked, but he had slowed me down with a smile.  
« Wait a moment. I want to look at you. »  
His strong hands caressed my body and he looked at me like no human had ever looked at me before. I think at that moment we both realized that this was much more than sex. I almost said * I love you*, but that would have ruined everything.   
We can't love each other. That's wrong!  
But still, that's exactly what we did that afternoon. We loved each other. Every movement, every look, every touch was an expression of desperate love.  
When Roger was finally naked as well, I knew it with absolute certainty. I would never be able to feel that towards a woman. This fascination, this desire.  
He stood absolutely still, his eyes closed and his full lips slightly parted, he was so beautiful and strong and masculine and yet so meek. He was just him.  
My curiousity and my abysmal craving left no room for doubts or fear and I laid both hands on his firm buttocks and pulled him close to me.   
He moaned softly as our hard cocks rub together and started to push me towards his bed.   
I landed on my back, feeling something pressing against my spine what turned out to be a bottle of lavender body oil.  
« Lavender relaxes incredibly , says grandma ! » Roger sneered and we broke out in almost hysterical giggles.  
Surely Roger^s grandma won^t be amused if she knew what helpful equippment she offered for our first time. We snogged for quite a long time until Roger pressed that bottle into my hand.   
« Come on! »  
« Uh...shouldn't you turn around or something? »  
« But I want to look at you, Nicholas. Wait a minute, maybe it works like this.“ He stuffed a pillow under is hips, looking at me with fogged, lustful eyes. My hands trembled again and I spilled a lot of oil into the bed before I hesitantly touched that dark, forbidden entrance with a fingertip. It felt strange. Soft, kind of wrinkly and it pulsed temptingly under my touch.  
I didn't know where I'd rather look, in those beautiful eyes or between his legs.   
At first I chose the latter and watched in fascination as my index finger slowly disappeared into him.  
Hot. Hot and tight. Never will my cock fit in there, I thought and started to panic slightly.  
"Keep going! That feels good!" His quiet voice trembled treacherously. I knew he wasn't as confident as he pretended to be, but he smiled encouragingly at me.  
So I added a second finger, and this time I looked him in the face.  
Even though I had never done this before, it was clear to me that I had to widen this narrowness somehow, so I sicssored my fingers in him what caused an utterly sweet moan.  
That he so obviously liked that made me braver, and a third finger found it' s way into the hot cave. At the same time I also seemed to have found something else, a particularly sensitive point in him, and he cried out. I knew instinctively that this was not a cry of pain and tried to stay exactly at that point to rub it.  
" Fuck, Nick, push it in! Put your dick in me, please!“ he gasped and I kneeled between his legs. Where the hell is this bottle?   
I almost came when I^d finally found it and covered my cock in oil. And then there was my tip at his entrance. We both moaned when I slowly pushed in.  
For a moment it felt as if his muscles were crushing my cock and we both needed a few minutes to get used to this unusual feeling.  
Suddenly Roger^s legs lay on my shoulders and strong hands grabbed my hips. Almost violently he pulled me deep into himself and we screamed, I out of pure, unbelievably intense lust, he presumably also out of pain. I should've stopped asking him if everything was okay, but I couldn't. This feeling was too overwhelming, too fantastic, and I fucked him literally into the mattress.  
It only took a few minutes until we exploded screaming and groaning almost simultaneously and I collapsed on his sweating, trembling body.  
Breathless I finally rolled off him and would have fallen out of bed if his arms had not held me. This moment, the moment he held me close and we looked at each other smiling, amazed by what just happened, this very moment was the most perfect one of my young life. When he first called me goblin, stroking sweaty hair out of my eyes. The moment before this annoying voice in my head started to call me a fucking faggot.

In the here and now I look at the more than 20 years older Roger, who smiles at me like he did back then.  
„I think that's how they found out.“he grins.  
„My parents. As soon as you were gone I stuffed the bedding into the washing machine, but it wasn't ready when they came home. Greeting your mother at the front door was also very weird, by the way. I was convinced that she would notice. That you see it in our eyes.“  
We smooch a lot and the coffee on the bedside table gets cold.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What am i doing?

France, February 2002  
An exclusive club in Paris, a private birthday party of a friend of mine, and I notice that I missed it. Those fancy parties, people in evening robes, the rich and the famous.   
I'm certainly not a superficial person, but I'm into that kind of parties, I don't know why. I just like this beautiful lightness. Beautiful people in beautiful dresses. A particularly beautiful specimen of a man is standing at the bar with my friend Claude and seems to be having a great time.

It was Roger's idea to have a week's holiday before we meet the others to finally start the reunion, our musical equippment is already shipped to the rent villa and Claude^s invitation for his birthday came just at the right time.  
Paris. God, it^s been ages since I was there the last time. The city of love with the man I love, how wonderful is that?  
My old friend doesn't read the gossip press and he was a little surprised when I told him on the phone I was coming with my boyfriend.  
« Boyfriend ? Something serious or a fuck buddy ? »  
« I said boyfriend, Claude, not fuck buddy. We^re living together. »  
« Someone I knew ? »  
« You surely remember Roger, don^t you ? »  
« Roger who ? »  
« Roger the drummer ! »  
« Nicholas James, are you telling me you are living in a gay relationship with Roger the drummer ? Come on, you^re kidding ! »  
No matter what I said, he just didn't believe me until the moment we came hand in hand to his club.  
« Claude Perrier! How nice to see you again! I didn^t know you were still friends ! » Rog beamed.  
« Putain de merde ! Roger le batteur ! And I thought Nicholas was fucking with me!“  
„I don't want to be primitive, Claude, but actually Nick fucks with me, if that's okay. »  
Laughing, they had hugged each other and now Roger is standing at the bar with one of my best friends and I can't keep my eyes off him. He just looks fantastic. This Armani suit looks like it was made for him, really! But even more beautiful is his laughter, the naturalness with which he fits into the creme de la creme of Parisian society, as if he would never do anything else. My little farm boy's so not like a farmer today.  
I wonder if he even notices how incredibly sexy he is tonight, if he feels the admiring looks of the ladies.  
Anyway, at least he obviously sensed my staring, because our eyes meet and he winks at me, gesturing me to come over.   
"Good evening, handsome . May I invite you for a drink?" I grin and grab two glasses of champagne from the tray of a waiter who has conveniently just passed by.  
„How very nice! I've noticed you before, but I didn't dare to speak to you. They say I'm shy, you know?“ he chuckles.  
„Oh, really? I like the quiet guys. They're supposed to be the wildest ones in bed! "  
Claude has a moderate fit of laughter which is interrupted by a shrill voice.  
Oh no! This is Pierre, the most gay creature on this planet and one of the reasons why I never wanted to be gay, because if being gay means being like him...  
„Nick Rhoooodes! Oh my god! Is it you? And who is this appetising little cream slice?"  
„ I guess that should be a compliment, you crazy faggot, but I'm mortally insulted that you don't recognize me! » Roger rolls his eyes.  
« Oh my god oh my god oh my goooood! Rodgie-Podgie! Let me hug you, you wet dream of my sleepless nights! Where did you leave that enviable little italian who snatched you away from me? » He gives Roger two very loud, wet kisses on the cheeks.  
« Keep your hands off my man, Pierre!" I say warningly. His pushy penetrance sucks.  
Roger seems to be really happy to see him and returns the hug laughing.  
Pierre has always flirted with him and I think he enjoyed it. Although I know exactly that it was always only fun, it makes me jealous.  
« Wait a minute, did he just call you his man? That's a joke, right? Tell me that's a joke!“

„That's not a joke. I am his man. He is my man. You were right, there are really more exciting things than tits.“ Rog grins.  
Pierre's bewildered facial expression quickly reconciles me and I pull Roger close in a very possessive way.  
Mine! Hands off!  
« No shit, you are a couple? Since when? »  
« Always, actually. Right, my goblin ? »  
Ha! Take that, you bloody faggot! He is mine! Always has been and always will be!   
"So our night together gave you the taste, huh? " this stupid idiot winks giggling  
„You mean the night I had to carry you home because you were so drunk? Yes, that was really exciting! You threw up all over me! "  
« Good plan, wasn^t it ? You had to take your clothes off and stayed over night!“  
„Hmhm. I kept your hair out of your face for half the night while you hung over the toilet, Pierre. Thanks for reminding me of it. I needed years to displace that! »  
I don't have the slightest reason to doubt Roger's words, yet jealousy returns with all its might.  
Why did he bring that stupid faggot home who's been shamelessly hitting on him all this time?   
Because he is an incredibly nice person who cares about others, of course !   
I^m afraid my excellent mood is gone now, no matter how hard I try to convince myself of the fact that Roger^s motivations back then were nothing but that he^s just Roger, friendly caring Roger. Yet alone the thought of him being in Pierre^s flat makes me angry. He can't go home with that terrible person and take off his clothes there!   
*Should he leave his puked clothes on?* asks the voice of reason in my head.  
*He shouldn't have gone with him! Not with that obnoxious faggot!* jealousy screams defiantly.  
Yes, I know it's childish and silly, but there's nothing I can do about it, that stinging, aching feeling of jealousy.  
« Excuse me a moment, I'm going to the bathroom ! » I almost run away from them, and the laughter that^s following me, Pierre^s importunate laugh, makes me even more angry.  
When I come out of the toilet stall, Roger leans casually at the tiled wall, grinning.  
« What was that about, Nicholas?“  
„I had to pee. Is that forbidden?“  
„Nick Rhodes, can it be that you're jealous? On Pierre? Seriously?“  
„Bullshit! What makes you think that?“  
„You may be able to fool other people, Nick, but you can't fool me. You don't really think I had sex with that freaky faggot, do you? It was 1984, we were celebrating at Claude's villa. Pierre was dumped by some guy and got terribly drunk. He may be a pain in the ass, but nobody deserves to be treated like shit. »  
« Wouldn't it have been enough to call him a taxi? »  
„I tried, but he was so drunk that no taxi driver wanted to take him . So I carried him home. It wasn't very far.“  
« How very chivalrous of you! »  
« Oh, please, Nick! You're behaving like shit right now! This is ridiculous! »  
« You think so ? Well, maybe i should call me a taxi as long as I'm not so drunk I won't get taken away. I wish you a nice evening. Greet your obtrusive admirer!"  
Shit! What am I doing?


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pierre

What the hell am I doing?  
If someone hadn't come in at this moment, maybe everything would have worked out completely different.   
But I am too proud, too stubborn to apologize in the presence of a stranger. Preserve dignity!  
I nod to the man who just entered the room and just walk out. I have no idea what's wrong with me.  
I get my jacket from the cloak room and wave for a taxi outside the club.  
Only minutes later I sit at the hotel bar.  
Please, Roger, come after me!  
I just can't stand Pierre! His pitch, his affected behaviour, the way he flirts with men. People like Pierre are the reason why so many people hate gays. Because of people like Pierre there are Joeys.  
Because of bumptious queers like him people like me are denying that they^re gay.  
Now I'm sitting here getting drunk because of that pushy fag. Actually, I'm sitting here because I'm a stupid idiot, but I'm drowning the voice of reason in whisky.  
When someone sits next to me after half an hour without being asked, I don't look up.   
Please, let it be Roger!   
« What's wrong with you, Rhodes? Did the drummer fuck your brains out or what?“  
Oh well, it^s not Roger, it^s Pierre.   
„Leave me alone!“ I snap.  
« No, I'm not gonna do that. Buy me a champagne, because of you moron I left the hottest party of the decade! »  
« I didn't ask you to! Get out of here! »   
« You don't deserve that slice of cream, you asshole! No idea what such a great guy likes on a bitch like you! Seriously, Nick, you're acting like a defiant toddler right now. You don't really think that something was going on between the cream slice and me, do you? Fuck, I thought he was straight through and through! It was all a joke, you idiot! Look, I know that many people find me annoying, but I am who I am! Roger is one of the few people who have always been nice to me. He even hit the guy who dumped me because he said mean things about me, because he fucking hurt me. He was there for me, Nick. I'll never forget this. Yeah, damn, I think he's great, I think he's sexy, but I have no sexual interest in your man. And you know what's even more important? He certainly has no interest in me, because he loves you, you fool! And now I want you to order me some champagne, I definitly earned it ! »  
« I love him so much, Pierre. and I am so terribly afraid to lose him because we are so completely different. Look at me, man! I'm just as much of a fag as you are. »

Ok, that's what it's all about. isn't it? I'm the guy with the make up and the glitter stuff. I'm Liberace. And Roger...Roger is the down-to-earth farmer that all people would consider to be thoroughly hetero.  
« My goodness, Rhodes, you^re even more stupid than I thought ! Hey, handsome bartender, bring on the champagne! The faggot next to me pays, put it on the bill for room 333. And you listen to me now, you stupid faggot!  
I don't know why, but the man loves you idolatrously. Just because you are the way you are, don't you understand that? Shit, Nick! I always thought you were one of the most self-confident people on this planet. I've always admired you, you know that? Maybe you are right and we are alike. Because we don't care what others think, because we just are who we are. I know that love makes you vulnerable, I know these self-doubts when you get a rebuff from someone who means a lot to you. But you don't get a rebuff, my dear! You are loved. So stop with this fucking self-pity, because there is no reason at all!“  
Pierre and I empty a bottle of Moet while I tell him our story, then he tells me his and only after almost two hours I notice two things.  
« You can talk normally, without any squeaking! And how do you actually know our room number? »  
« You're surprised, aren't you? Your boyfriend has told me your room number and if the seriousness of the situation requires it, I can be almost completely un-gay. It^s just that I don^t want to be un-gay, because I^m a proud gay man and I don^t want to hide that. I love being different. I celebrate it. And maybe I also like to provoke! You should go up to your room now. He's probably there by now, wondering where you are. It would be nice if you would get in touch. Stop doubting yourself, Nick Rhodes. And stop questioning his love for you.“


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An excellent investment

He^s right , isn^t he?  
In fact, this annoying fag has more confidience than me, and I can^t help but admiring him for that.  
So it comes that we hug warmly before he leaves. I take the lift up to the third floor, feeling deeply ashamed. My very own walk to Canossa.   
Again, Pierre was right, he^s there, in our hotel room, sitting by the open window, blowing cigarrette smoke out in the cold night air.  
Much to my surprise he smiles at me. I expected anger and yelling, and what I get is a wonderful, loving smile.  
„There you are! Where have you been that long?“  
„Down at the bar, an annoying frenchman gave me quite a piece of his mind. Would you like to go on with that ? I^m an idiot, Roger, please forgive me ! »  
« Come here, you idiot ! » he pulls me in his lab, still smiling, and gentle fingers are stroking my cheek.   
„I know that you don^t like Pierre. He's exhausting. He needs getting used to and his voice is really annoying. I still think he's a very brave, strong man. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself, don't you think? Courage we both haven't had in a long time. »  
„I didn't want to be like him. Someone behind whose back you laugh or roll your eyes annoyed. If being gay means being like Pierre...god, listen to me, what an intolerant asshole I am! "  
« You don't have to like all the gays just because you're gay yourself.“  
„The funny thing is..he^s cool. I think I could get used to him.“  
„That^s good. Because I like him. I always liked him. And no, I never wanted to have sex with him!“  
„I know! Again, sorry! It^s just…Roger, I don't think you have any idea how desirable you are! And I had no idea how jealous that could make me. You were...you are!..just adorable tonight."  
« Thank you. So are you, Nick. You're beautiful. Inside and out. I don't want anyone but you and now I want you deep inside me!“  
He just gets up with me and I have to wrap my legs around his hips so I don't fall.  
Roger literally throws me on the bed and is immediately above me to kiss me passionately.  
Unfortunately we both still have much too much on and the attempt to undress without interrupting the kissing fails miserably.  
« Goodness, my sweet devil, I^m afraid i^m quite drunk ! » I chuckle when we were hopelessly entangled in our clothes.  
« As long as you don't puke all over me, it doesn't matter. I've had that before, wasn^t funny, you know?“  
« Oh? Did you want Pierre deep inside you, too? »  
« I'm warning you, Nicholas James! Another stupid saying and I will get really evil!“  
„Uh! I'm trembling with fear!“  
„You should be!“ Strong hands rip my shirt.  
„Roger! Are you nuts? That was expensive! That's an original..."  
"Shut up, Nick! Hold still, or more will be destroyed, you whiny faggot!“  
Within seconds I am naked and Roger sits grinning astride on me, still wearing too many clothes. I would like to feel this promising bulge without his elegant suit pants in between.  
„You'd better take off your pants or I won't get inside you!“ I growl.

„I changed my mind, Nicholas. I warned you! Look closely, Nicholas James, what I'm about to do with your shit-ass shirt!“ He tears it into handy strips, and with these strips he ties my wrists to the headboard of the bed.  
„I swear, if you don't shut up now, I'll stuff the rest of your stupid shirt in your mouth!“  
„I could think of better things to stuff in my mouth! Aaah! Roger, no! Stop it...hm...hmpf!"  
I don't believe it! He actually did it! Gagged me with a Versace- shirt that costs 500 pounds!   
For a short moment I panic, afraid of suffocation.  
Roger caresses me reassuringly.  
« Ssshhh, my love! Relax. »  
That's strange. I feel helpless, completely and utterly at his mercy. Which is, in fact, incredibly erotic. I think being drunk is helpful because I'm actually a control freak.  
Now, however, my brain completely stops thinking.  
I am reduced to breathing and feeling. With closed eyes, I surrender to the caressing hands, the warm, wet lips and the teasing tongue. My moaning sounds dull through the gag, my begging for more is a helpless stammering.  
My whole body is stroked, kissed and licked, except for my hard cock and my balls, which feel as if they would burst every moment.  
Devil! My sweet , wonderful beloved devil, my torturer!  
When he starts to fuck me with two fingers hard and deep I almost fainted and the moment he sucks my twitching cock greedily in his mouth, I come.  
Thank God I'm gagged, otherwise my screaming would have woken up the whole hotel.  
I still tremble like crazy as Roger unties me and gently pulls the slobbered cloth gag out of my mouth.  
"Fuck!" I gasp breathlessly. "You can get really evil more often! That were excellently invested 500 pounds, I'd say.“  
„And you still have a big mouth, Nicholas! What am I going to do with you?“

„You could finally take off those pants and silence me with your delicious cock! »


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making it official

Simon and I are grinning at the sight in front of us. Three Taylors, sitting on the studio floor, lively discussing a certain bass line.  
« That^s wonderful, Nick, isn’t it ? »  
„Ab-so-fucking-lutely fabulous ! And I^m not saying that because I^m sleeping with the drummer!“  
„Ha! As if you^d ever sleep!“  
« Honestly, Charlie, you don't mind, do you? »

« That you're a couple or that you have pretty loud sex?»

« Well, both. » I shrug

« Of course not! I'm happy for you. I didn't know that you two were already in love back then. You just can't ever break up again, is that clear to you? »  
« We certainly don't intend to break up. »  
I understand exactly what he means. Although John and I were the founders of the band, Charlie and I are the creative heads. We're both the only ones who have always been Duran Duran. We are the heart and brain of this band, so to speak. A separation from Roger would destroy me and Duran would be dead, unlike back then when it continued after the departure of all Taylors.  
Smiling, I look at my beloved little devil sitting cross-legged on the floor. In sweatpants and an old checkered flannel shirt. Sweatpants! Uh! Checkered flannel shirts, absolute no-go!  
But it's my Roger, and my Roger can wear whatever he wants. I'll take it off anyway, at the latest when we go to bed. And we wake up next to each other, tomorrow. The day after tomorrow and hopefully always.  
« You're looking like that again, Bates! » Simon chuckles.  
« How do I look, Le Bon? »  
„Like a child in a candy shop“  
„Yeah, could be. I see a lot of things I'd like to suck on. Candy, indeed!“  
« Isn't it more like ice cream on a stick? »

« But not so cold! »  
It's wonderful fooling around with Charlie like that. I love this man, really! He is one of the few people without prejudices. Simon likes you or doesn't like you no matter who you are.  
And if he likes you, you have a friend for life.  
We are certainly not always of one opinion and we can argue terribly, but when it comes down to it we stick together. For 30 years.  
Roger, Simon and John quickly bonded again, but what still surprises me is the close friendship between Roger and Andy. They treat each other lovingly. Throughout the years they have always been in contact and Andy was the only one to know the real reason for Roger's divorce.  
Ands knew about me, he knew about Matt and I'm pretty sure they were talking about sex too.  
Something I still only do with John. He's just my closest confidante. Of course I also talk to Roger, a lot, but sometimes you want to talk about such things with someone who's not directly concerned, so to speak.  
Just last night we had such a conversation.  
I had not been able to sleep and in the middle of the night a melody had occurred to me which could fit to one of Simon^s new lyrics so I had gone down to the studio and almost scared myself to death because I stumbled over john's long legs.  
„Jeez, Nigel! Why are you sitting in the dark?“  
« I can't sleep. »  
« Me neither, but I can still turn on the light. »  
„I can't see anyway, I'm not wearing my glasses!“  
„But others could see you and would not fall over you. Shall I make us some tea?“  
So we ended up in the kitchen instead of the studio.  
„I miss Gela. I just can't sleep when she's not there. Why are you still awake, you should be snoring happily in the arms of your drummer.“  
„I'm afraid I'm suffering from postcoital hyperactivity.“  
« A very pleasant suffering, if you ask me. » he chuckled.  
« There's truly worse ! »  
« Well, we Taylor-lads know what good sex is, huh ? »  
« I hope for your wife's sake that applies to all Taylors. »  
« I doubt she'd let me in her ass. »

„He wasn't in mine either, John.“

„Still not? Are you afraid of it, Nick?“  
„That's an interesting question, I wish I could answer it with a categorical no.“  
„Does he know that? That you're scared?“  
„No. And I'm not really afraid. I don't know how to explain this to you, Johnny. I just don't know if I can do that, if I can relax. I mean, fingers are ok, enjoyable. But, well, he's not particularly small. »  
« You think it^s gonna hurt ! »  
« Oh, I know it will hurt, but that^s not it, it won^t kill me. I'm more afraid it won't work out, that I can^t relax. You know me, I^m a control freak! And then, perhaps Roger is disappointed. After all he fucked Matt, maybe he misses it, and I don't want him to miss anything.“  
„Isn't there this stuff the boys in the gay porn always sniff? Poppers?“  
„Seriously, John? You of all people suggest I take drugs?“  
„It was just an idea! If you don't feel well with it, Nicholas, why do you even want it?“  
« It's not like I'm completely averse to it. I want to know what it feels like, I want to share everything possible with Roger. And, as I said, he shouldn't miss anything. Besides, I promised him. When he was with me for the first time over night. »  
« You're making this unnecessarily complicated, don't you see? Why don't you just talk to him about it? »

„I'd like to surprise him when I'm ready one day. I realize that this sounds totally silly, but I would like to give him my virginity.“  
« I don't think it sounds silly at all. It's kind of totally romantic, Nick!“  
„You think?“  
„Yes! It's wonderful that you're happy, Nicholas. You deserve it. I admit that you're with Roger was weird at first. And I'm still mad at you for not telling me back then. But now I think you just belong together. You complement each other. Don't think so much, my friend. He loves you. You love him. If it does not work the first time you try it again. Just don't think so much about it! »  
„Thanks, Nigel. I'm really glad you're in my life! You know I love you, don't you? »

„I love you too, my little brother!"

I flinch violently as Simon next to me shouts "Now stop discussing music and let's make some", I'm so lost in thoughts.

It will be a very productive day at the end of which we decide to make the reunion official.  
„Isn^t that fantastic, Nick?“ my devil pulls me into an intense kiss.  
Yes. Oh yes, it is! I feel the little box in the backpocket of my pants, the box with the ring.  
We are still different. He^s from Mars, I^m from Venus. But who says that^s something bad ?  
I hope the band reunion isn't the only thing we're gonna make official.  
I hope he says yes.  
And who knows, maybe I'll give him my virginity on the wedding night.


End file.
